Trigger warning for sexual abuse, Sorry

Now as I type this I don't remember everything that happened, just that it happened multiple times, through the ages of 5-10. I do plan to type down all I do remember right now.

When I was younger I would go over to my aunt's house because normally my dad was too drunk to watch me and my sister. When we were there we were pracically watched by my cousins. The middle cousin (7 years older than me) would make me suck his dick and he would touch me. I won't go into more detail. Recently, I remembered that my sister, (Also 7 years older than me) and the youngest cousin, (about 4 or 5 years older than me) helped. They would hold me down or not let me leave the room. Like I said above I won't go into more detail. I don't want to remember anymore, but everytime I seem to talk about it I have weird dreams, that make me remember more. Like a couple nights ago, I got a memory of just sitting on my cousin's bed, nothing more.

I will never bring this stuff up to anyone in my real life, because, one, everyone involved has a life now. They're married and have children of their own. Two, I don't want to worry my mom anymore than I have to.

Sorry for my grammar, sorry.