Warning Triggering Ptsd sexual abuse9
I am really struggling, I've recently been diagnosed with PTSD because of domestic abuse including sexual and psychological from an ex husband many years ago. I am waiting for therapy but it's taking time. Im having nightmares which wake me up and today I woke up but the experience carried on!! I am so confused, i couldnt move and endefd up being an hour late for work. I could feel pain inside me (he used to force sex on me whether I wanted it or not). I am horrified at these memories that are flooding back from my 30's and im in my late 50's now. Why didnt I stop him somehow??? I was with this man from being a 17 year old girl......... what the hell! I'm thinking back now as a mature woman and im so angry with myself for staying with him. He started being abusive when I got pregnant the first time when I was 26. I didnt divorce him until I was 33. Im not even sure I realised half the time that he was abusing me because he was my first boyfriend. I didnt know what was acceptable and what wasnt!!! I feel so angry with myself now.
@Jetmints hey! i am so so sorry to hear that. you ve clearly been through a lot and its understandable that its difficult to cope with that.
sadly, love makes us blind often. i was in a similar situation like you.
For a long time i asked myself too : why the hell didnt i leave earlier?
while being in the relationship, i couldnt leave for a long time. the problem was, i knew he had good sites. he can also be caring, loving and that hes not only bad. but i didnt realize that no matter if he has good sites, his bad site hurt me and i had every right to leave, just like you.
Its okay to struggle after that all. But i know, you are definetly a fighter. And me and many other people here on 7cups are willing to support you through this difficult time <3
I wish you the best, you`d deserve it :) take care and have an amazing day!
@dynamicHemlock1736 Thankyou for your kind words. You have given me something more positive to think about 💗@jetmints