When life knocks you down
I raised up with an amazing group of people. We were 7 best friens for 23 years. Until one day. That cursed day which changed everything. We were all supposed to go to a rock concert. But 2 guys and myself didn't make it. Our car broke on the road all of a sudden. At that concert was a fire which killed 3 of them. And one took his life when he found out his fiancee died in that fire too.
It's been 4 years since then. One of us 3 who didn't make it started to take drugs and is now in prison.The last one died 2 weeks ago in a car accident. I had to get out of the country. I wasn't able to continue my life there. You can't imagine going in the cemetery and seeing 5 crosses next to each other. This left me with a trauma. I'm scared of getting attached to people as I'm sure I lose them too. Or they will eventually leave me due to my fear of abandonment. I miss my old life when we were happy. And I feel guilty for not being there that night......
@Yanix
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I don't feel that anything I could say will really help after losing so much so fast, but I want you to know that we're here for you and if you want to talk about them more you are fully allowed to do that. You can feel anything you need to feel, say anything you need to say. There is no timeline on mourning and it's ok to hurt as long as you need to. I know that the guilt you feel is probably sometimes overwhelming, but perhaps holding onto the thought that your friends loved you and wouldn't want you to feel guilty over something completely out of your control would help in some way.
I think that moving was probably a smart plan because getting away from reminders of trauma/loss can be healthy. But I understand that if it was done out of necessity instead of because you wanted to, sometimes that can build bitterness. It sounds like you're surviving and will get through this, though. I believe in you.
I think that it must have taken a great deal of courage to share your story in this post, so I commend you for that! It sounds like you are remembering what has happened in the past, and it is good to share your story with others, some of whom may be able to relate to what you have gone through.
I think that it is understandable that you would be feeling fears related to attachment, and to abandonment. I also think that it is understandable that you miss the former times that you had, before this experience had occurred. I think that reaching out for help here was an important step to be taken. I also think that others here are feeling the same way that you do.
It sounds like you are presently feeling guilty about not being there that night, and I think that there is no reason to blame yourself in any way, for not being able to help that night, or be there for your friends. Your absence in not being there at the concert, was not your fault. I am hoping that you will be able to have a positive recovery from what you have encountered, and sorry to hear about your losses that happened.