worst year of my life

when i was 15 i met this boy, i had dated people in high school before, but that was casual and typically didnt last long. but when i met this boy, everything seemed to change. he seemed like someone i could see having a future with long term, after about 5/6 months of dating he was ready to have sex. i was not and had told him that and at this point he would get really angry with me for telling him no. one day i was over at his house and his brother was downstairs and we were upstairs watching a movie and he kissed me, and started to get handsy. i tried so hard to stop him and to tell him no and he put his hand over my mouth as i was crying he continued to assault me anyway. not long after i had found out i was pregnant, i didnt tell anyone. because how could i? i was so stressed out i wasnt eating and i had lost a substantial amount of weight and i wasnt sleeping and when i was about three months along, i had a miscarriage. i had a trusted friend who could drive me to planned parenthood to help me as much as possible but there wasnt anything they could do. it was too late. ever since i have felt so numb, and i hate myself so much. i am now 19, and miss my baby everyday. ive been dating a wonderful guy since i was 16 almost 17 and have an engagement ring picked out. but i still feel numb, and lately my anxiety and PTSD has been so bad that weve been fighting a lot which makes it worse. how do i stop feeling so numb after something like that....