Abuse from Parents
Hey... so.. I have a strange problem. My parents are abusive. Today I tried to have a conversation with my mom about her just standing by and watching my dad abuse me. She denies it was abuse and says that I'm too dramatic. She says it was discipline and that she shouldn't be called out for just standing there. She thinks she isnt to blame. But my mother, a person who had a chance to protect me, stood by and did nothing. The police were called on this occasion. They chalked it up to a family dispute after I lied and said nothing like it had happened before.
Worst mistake of my life.
Things like it had happened before. I don't know what to do. My mother is in serious denial about things. She says I should stop living in the past (her way of getting the blame off of her). I do need to stop living in the past, but I won't give her the satisfaction of her just getting off scot free. She hurt me and needed to know that. She denies she did anything wrong. I told her that moving forward means she wont be in my life anymore. She says this is emotional manipulation. I just want to be happy and that means not having her in my life. This particular event happened in 2016 and I'm still upset about it in 2018. I have trauma from it and other events. I don't know how to address the issues and move forward without my mother saying it's wrong of me. I dont consider flashbacks and trauma to be the choice of living in the past. I feel lost.
@Lexloveslife
It can be hard when one parent stands by while the other one abuses you. I am sorry to hear that you had to go through that and I can understand how that would hurt as much as the parent doing the abuse, knowing that she could have saved you. The more she denies, she can avoid feeling guilty for not protecting you. It makes sense that you need space away from her to be happy. There's nothing wrong with wanting to address this. I am sorry that your mom is not supportive of your need to heal. We are here for you.
@SouthernFlame
Thank you for being here. It's painful. I don't know how to move forward when I deal with flashbacks and such.
@Lexloveslife
I can understand how it would be confusing. May I ask what do you do to help with the flashbacks?
@SouthernFlame
I don't do anything to help with them
@Lexloveslife
I see. Well sometimes mindfulness and grounding techniques can help when flashbacks help. Have you ever sought support for your trauma?
@SouthernFlame
Through listeners yes. I can't help but wonder if I'm being too dramatic though. The police dismissed the problem in 2016 as a family dispute. That made me feel vulnerable and unsafe, and bolstered my parents' views that I'd deserved what I got. My therapists in the past have recommended moving out, too. But I have no where to go while in college and no money. So seeking support through listeners is all I can do at this point. If the police wouldn't help then, they won't help now. And there isn't much therapists can do now that it's been 2 years.
@Lexloveslife
i see. Police can be wrong a lot! Im glad youre able to seek support on here. May i ask do you have a job? It may help to start saving up
@SouthernFlame
Not yet. I'm trying to get through this semester. I should have done a summer job. It's okay though. I plan to get a job this upcoming summer
@Lexloveslife
thats quite alright. This semester is almost done ! Youre doing it.
@Lexloveslife
Do you need help?
@JamesBuchananBarnes
I'm safe for now. There hasn't been physical abuse for a while now, but I'm always on eggshells and wondering if it could happen again. Waiting for the cork to pop. Even if it were still happening, I don't have anywhere to go. Thank you for your concern :)
Hey, I am sorry you had to go through this .My parents are abusive too, not physically but mentally and verbally. I can just share my experience with you. I have realized that it's necessary to keep a calm mind and make a good plan to be independent and away from them. Choose wisely, work hard. Stop expecting because such people don't change ever. Encourage yourself, believe in yourself. One tactic which helped me was when my mother said anything hurtful, I just believed myself and knew I wasn't wrong so I told myself why should I be hurt for someone else's mistake? That gelpehme ignore hurtful comments and concentrate on one's which would build my future
@courteousLand
Yeah, I don't expect her to change. I'm just hopeful that one day she will. She's still my mom at the end of the day. But I'll definitely try to keep myself positive. That's difficult to do with major depressive disorder but I'm still going to try.
