Completely Losing It
I don't even know what to write. My mind is a complete mess. My whole life has blown up, after already having been ***, and I don't see any way forward, truly. I am having panic attacks basically all day every day now. The physical pain is almost worse than the mental at this point. I have serious issues regarding housing, stability, freedom of choice, and.. well, mostly I don't see any way to stay alive, and I don't want to be alive, but then comes the practicality of ending it... Considering I can barely get myself to walk around....
@enlguy@enlguy Hello enlguy, and welcome to the forums. It sounds as though you're struggling on all fronts right now, so I can fully understand why you feel life is imploding. However, you've reached out on here, which shows that you have an understanding that things can be better. The first thing I see that can be addressed is the panic attacks you're describing. Have you looked for help with these? Anxiety makes everything look disproportionately out of focus as it gives us tunnel vision; it also leaves us drained and exhausted owing to the effects of the adrenaline, giving that feeling of depleted lethargy. You've mentioned physical pain: where is that originating from? Physical and mental anguish are very often linked. Tackling these then helps regulate the nervous system so we feel better equipped to meet our other problems head-on. Do you have any support around you regarding the issues you've raised, or are you able to identify someone or something who could signpost you towards resolving these? I've linked to the self help guide on panic attacks enlguy, as a start. I'm hoping you're able to identify a way through this; the community is here for you.
https://www.7cups.com/panic-attacks-help-online/
@DemiMondaine @DemiMondaine It's C-PTSD. I'm in a living situation that provides triggers. I have no support network. I've been "nomadic" over seven years, really needed to settle down, got residency somewhere I could make a good life, but a housing crisis left me with nowhere to go after six months of diligent apartment hunting. I'm now glorified homeless hopping Airbnbs, something I really didn't want to do again. I'm exhausted, and just don't see a sustainable path. I thought I'd make the best and travel a bit, but doesn't take long before you're sick of "apartment hunting" on Airbnb every other day, spending hours trying to find another place to stay, figuring out transportation, and then you just want to stay put, so you plop money down on a month stay to find it's not what you expected....
I don't want to get into discussions over this with anyone, I use it legally, and it's always been the best help for me. I use cannabis to manage the anxiety. I go out of my way to find Airbnbs where I have a place to myself, and there's a private outdoor space to smoke. This place... hosts didn't mention they live on property (it's a converted basement, which wasn't mentioned until I asked about how to check in), and the terrace is not all that private. So I get anxiety over smoking here, which is supposed to relieve my anxiety. I just came back inside, for what was supposed to be a quick smoke before maybe taking a sunset walk, and spent like 30 minutes starting and stopping when I'd hear a noise, or think they'd get upset over the smoke, or whatever, and then I get into an OCD thing ... Normally I just go to a balcony, smoke, relax, go to bed soon... All good. I'm considering trying to go to a different place, but it seems to often be a toss up with Airbnb, and it's not easy to find ones with terraces in this country, for some reason, and then there's the matter of what, if any, refund I could get (I can't afford to throw away a month of rent).....
@enlguy
Awww lovely im so sorry to hear that your having to deal with all of this at the moment. It sounds like your having to deal with one thing after the other wich is bound to be tiring and draining for anyone to deal with and not to mention your physcial issues to I mean you still being here shows how strong you truly are and im so so proud of you and your strength. If you ever need anyone at all to talk to me and other fellow listeners here on 7 cups are always here to help and support you. You've got this I belive in you keep going.
