Do I deserve to be cut some slack? TW
ill try to make this short. I know well depression and trauma doesn’t always give you a free pass to be *** to other people but in my case I felt like I had to be cut some slack. I was abandoned by my friend group and friends for being a “downer” and horribly depressed a few months ago. Some do know that I have been physically emotionally sexually and groomed by multiple people in my life. It’s not been an easy two years of having to deal with the load of trauma. They dropped me on the day they went out and hung out without me which I confronted them about. They did not know I was Dialing a suicide hotline and needed a chance to get out of the house and hanging out all together without me was a slap in the face.
im not trying to downgrade them I know everyone has issues but I know well not everyone has dealt with abuse, assault or trauma and peoples reactions cannot be compared. I wish I was dumped for being an actual *** person rather than going through mental illness and ptsd. It hurts
if they needed me to “lighten up” or put on a smile they could’ve told me to loosen up a little or express why that made them uncomfortable and I would’ve tried my best to fake it till i make it or something like that. I did however try without their input to put on a smile and I succeeded many times. To see they’d only focus on the times I was not stable was hurtful beyond belief. Especially since everyone of them had cried or vented or been a downer at some point. When it’s me it’s a problem even though I was in a crisis.
I was not a perfect friend and I know well I wasn’t the best at dealing with hard conversations or fixing up arguments but none of us are perfect nor were we THAT nice to each other. I’d go far to call the friendship toxic. To see that they had just abandoned me is painful, it seems like they used my mental health issues as an excuse to get rid of me.
ive apologized numerous times for everything wrong I’ve done to hurt them but I’ve never ever gotten an apology for anything that has been done to me. One of the girls went as far as to text my groomer knowing well he abused me for the jokes of it. Now come on? I never did anything as *** up as that and everyone slipped it under the rug and praised her.
Did I deserve better or was I really that much of a pain?
İt's ok buddy mistakes and friends come and go we're here to help you with that I think your friend circle is a little bit problemfull I'm here we can chat whenever you want
Hi. I totally understand being the outcast among friends due to depression and PTSD. It wasn't til much later that I realized that ppl feel bad, frustrated, and, yes, annoyed, when we are continually sad or have problems cuz they couldn't do anything to help. They don't even realize this is why it frustrates them.
It took me decades to learn this. Hopefully, getting urb issues out here and also finding adequate professional therapy (if u haven't already) will help leave more room in ur mind for joy that u can share with friends.
I also had quite a bit of abuse and assault growing up, and wasn't allowed to talk about it for many years. It really requires pro help to undo some of the damage done to ur brain from the trauma.
@Taintedrose112 our brains are things a lot of people don't understand. Unless you've been abused and having to deal with depression is not easy. Those people were not good friends for you. You need to cut yourself some slack yes. Your a surviver a warrior ❤ you don't need to be someone your not just because someone tells you too ❤ I'm a survivor too so I can deeply sympathise with you ❤ just remember you are you no one else so be you the best you you can be and I'll give you a big hug ❤
