Don
When I was 16 I got into a relationship with a guy who was 2 years older than me. He wanted to have sex with me one day & I told him no, I explained to him how it was against my beliefs to have sex before marriage but still he kept asking. He told me that one day him & I were going to get married and that God will understand. I kept saying no and then he stopped. That was the first time. The second time he asked again and I said no & tried explaining to him again. This time he got angry with me & said, 'I thought you said you loved me? I'm going to get blue balls and it's going to hurt. You don't want to hurt me do you?' He kept repeating those words over and over until I felt so bad, I didn't want to hurt him so I finally agreed. During the whole time he kept asking me, 'You said yes, so I'm not forcing you am I?' And I said, no but deep down I broke. After it happened I went home, numb and cried myself to sleep, he texted me telling me that what we did made us become one. That kept happening everyday for the next 6 months, I mastered the art of zoning out every time we'd do it, after awhile I'd miss last period just to miss him coming to pick me up. Until he realised and started meeting me right outside my last lesson, so that, that way I had no escape. We broke up finally because he cheated on me. I'm 21 now, still feel broken. I get flashbacks still, not as much as I used to but they're still there. I don't know if it was sexual assault because I consented but the trauma hasn't left.
@bubbledrop19
I think this totally "counts" as sexual assault. He intimidated you, forced you to do something you didn't want to do. You said NO. Anything less that respecting that is a violation. I am so sorry you had to deal with this. <3
@survivorstarr and I meant the first time, when you said NO. That should have been the end of it
@bubbledrop19
Dear, I am so sorry this happened to you. It seems your heart was so big you didnt want him to be in any type of pain as a loving partner should but his heart wasnt in the right place like yours was, not were his intentions. Just because you say the word yes it doesnt make sexual trauma go away. Sexual trauma is basically triggered by sexual acts that you DONT WANT. With how many times you said no, I think its clear you didnt want it to happen but dealt with it anyway. All it takes to getting this type of fear is acts happening to you that you know in your heart you dont want and it makes you feel helpless in that situation and forced. Sex should never feel forced or like oh cant escape. Im so sorry you had to deal with someone who didnt respect your choice. A loving partner shouldnt force one to do something that is out of their morals, no matter how much they want them to. He should have put your decision first because you and your opinions matter. What you gave was essentially forced consent. You said yes reluctantly, but you didnt fully mean the yes, so it was basically just the same as saying no. Im going through someone similar that happened in my childhood. I am here for you and rooting you on hoping you find some peace in your future.
@Brett027
*you
*something