Early trauma
I feel as if my whole life has been nothing but trauma. I was anxious at an early age. After my dad died, I was 3, my mom lost custody of me to my dad's mother. I spent weekends wondering why she wouldn't want to be with me on her weekend. I cried myself to sleep many Friday nights because she didn't pick me up. I had an uncle who thought it would as ok to touch me while I was sleeping, which caused me to wonder did it even happen after I tried to tell my Granny about it. My teenage years suffered because of that abuse, when I turned to an older man for attention and counsel. Closer to the point, in 1998 I had a daughter who brought my mom and me back together and we mended the relationship. Last year, she died after a very long battle with cancer. That was in May. In August, I had a car wreck that should have killed me. Although not an official diagnosis yet, I feel like I'm having some PTSD symptoms. I don't know why, but I am so scared of that diagnosis. I'd like to know how others have lived with and learned to cope with PTSD.
@bubblePear5387
Hello Pear-Welcome to the Trauma Sub-Community :) We're happy you are here!
From your description of your childhood-where you could not spend much time with your mother-I can imagine you it wouldn't have been easy to cope with her absence. To lose your father, and be away from your mother at such a tender age is...quite a lot.
I'm sorry you were sexually abused by your uncle, in your childhood. As you experienced it when you were sleeping, I can imagine why you would have felt unsure in telling your grandmother about it, and possibly even doubt if you did actually experience it. I understand the strong sensation of second-guessing if you really did experience something as horrifying.
Finally, I would like to state that I am deeply sorry for the loss of your daughter. To lose someone as dear, would have been tough, beyond any level that I can comprehend, and certainly difficult to process.
I would like to provide you with a link to resources, that I hope you may find to be of some use:
https://together.stjude.org/en-us/for-families/bereavement.html
https://www.cancer.net/coping-with-cancer/managing-emotions/grief-and-loss/grieving-loss-child
You've been through so much, and I am truly sorry for it. I am glad you reached out to a mental health professional for a diagnosis-If you don't mind me asking (and you can choose not to answer), have you received the results of the diagnosis yet?
And, I understand your relationship with your mother is better at present-Could you tell me how the two of you are doing?
Thank you for writing on here<3
@loyalTree3713 thank you so much for the encouragement. I think maybe either, I misspoke about my mother and my daughter. My mom passed away last year in May. We had an amazing relationship when she died. Then at the end of August last year, I had a car wreck that nearly killed me. My daughter never left my side. She said later that she couldn't handle losing me after my mom died. They were extremely close. However, you are right about the rest...it just seemed like one thing after the other, and I never fully got over some of it.
@bubblePear5387
Of course, Pear<3 and I'm sorry, I should have double-checked as to whom you were referring to in your original post. I apologize for the misunderstanding!
It sounds like your daughter's been with you, through a lot of what you experienced, and that the two of you have a strong bond. I'm sorry that both of you are coping with this dear loss, and I pray that the two of you are able to be there for each other.
I understand that experiencing as many things, would make it feel like there's a stack of dominoes against you, and you're at the end of it :(
If you think writing may help, I would like to suggest the Journalling sub-community here: https://www.7cups.com/forum/TraumaSupport_60/JournallingStories_318/ .Of course, you can continue to write here too!
Whatever you may decide, I and this community will be here to support you!
