Emotionally Abused

I’m a victim of domestic violence. It all started back when I was 11 I met this boy online he was 15 and he had an awful life. He had many struggles and he also had many traumas. He overall lived a life far from perfect. I met him a group chat and started developing feelings for him.

I admired him so much and I looked up to him, I wanted to be like him so bad because he was like an inspiration to me. I never met anyone so strong and ambitious before so I really liked him. Soon I confessed and ofc he rejected me because I was younger but I didn’t mind.

Soon we started talking in private, away from the group chat. And he started to do stuff to me that were awful. He’d insult me, gaslight, manipulate, take his anger out on me, blaming me, guilt tripping, playing awful mind games with me and overall was emotionally violent. He took all his traumas and anger out on me. I started to isolate Myself from everyone and I started crying myself to sleep every night.

I started to self harm, get nightmares and major panic attacks from all this. One time he texted me while drunk and yelled at me and took so much anger out on me. I was so scared I barely could move and I was completely frozen in place and I cried so much that night. Yet I still stayed. And he only got worse continuing his violence and he caused me deep trauma and anxiety. Soon I ended up leaving him. And those months where I left were hell. I had constant nightmares and continued to self harm and my meltdowns got worse. I even got nightmares and serious chest pain when thinking about this. I got so much triggers and flashbacks

I soon told all my friends what happened and they all supported me and helped me through so much and I’m so grateful. They were holding my hand through it all but unfortunately when I told my best friend she dropped me and gave up on me. She told me to back and help him and his girlfriend that he got and when I said no she completely dropped me and gave up on me. She was my best Friend for 6 whole years.

I was so crushed I started sobbing and crying myself to sleep. Soon I went back to him and told him everything I felt and he just laughed it off and got his girlfriend involved. She yelled at me and threw so many insults at me that stung so bad. She called me obsessive and blamed me for everything and so did he.

He said I was at fault and I shouldn’t have been so annoying and needy. And gaslighted me to the point I started questioning my own sanity. After that I broke my clean streak..

I broke down so hard that night and the very next day one of my friends from the group texted him and lectured/told him off and he again blamed it on me and threw horrible insults at me that made my self esteem so much worse. He said I was just a dramatic, obsessive girl and that I’m just exaggerating and I’m not a real victim.

An hour later he ended up apologizing. I was so happy that day that I was finally getting the closure I deserved. Happy ending right? Wrong. He then asked me to get into detail about what happened.

While I was telling him I was on a call with a few friends and when I told him everything. He yelled at me. Saying I was faking it, he said he didn’t abuse me and he denied everything he said I was accusing him of the wrong thing. He yelled at me and said I’d be fucked in the real world that I needed to grow up and get real.

I was calling my friends when all that happened and my whole life fell apart and I collapsed. I dropped down on the floor and sobbed so much and had the worst chest pain and headache and overall the worst meltdown. My friends were even in tears about all this and after that.

My mom finally asked me what’s been going on. I told her and she blamed herself for giving me the phone at a young age. I fucking regret telling her. She made everything so much worse and I hope she forgets about it.

At the moment I’m starting to get horribly suicidal and I’m still self harming unfortunately. I’m still trying to find the closure I need and deserve.

If any of you reading are experiencing domestic violence whether it’s.

Emotional, physical, sexual, mental, verbal, physiological etc.

My heart is with you and I wish you all the best ❤️‍🩹

Love you <3