I don’t feel anything TW (Replies would be appreciated)

I’m gonna start of by saying that I am not doing too bad. If anything I think I’m doing better than I ever have. However I’m not doing good because I worked on myself and seemed help. I’m doing better because I blocked out all of traumatic experiences and used romanticism as a defense mechanism.

i Was molested by my uncle when I was 7 through till I was 8. He sexually assaulted me many times in his room by spanking me and touching me without consent. He would show me sexual content on the tv without my consent as well as show me his sex toys.

my uncle also physically abused me and my brothers around the same age. He would throw things at me, hit me, push me, break things in front of me. Throw things at other people and hit them in front of me.

my uncle also emotionally abused me and my brothers by screaming at us, insulting us, manipulating us and fighting with our parents and isolating ur from our parents and telling us his own traumatic experiences once we were too young to understand. Get drunk and yell and hit us my uncle was so bad to my family that one of my relatives attempted suicide in my own playroom.

when I was 11 I was groomed and abused by an older guy who I thought was my friend and could be trusted. He sent me dirty messages, made me call him sexual things. Would get drunk and yell at me and threaten to suicide if I didn’t listen. Controlled the boys I talked to and much more.

when I was 7-10 I faced more physical abuse by another family member. I was hit a lot while I was naked or barley dressed. Screamed at and told to die many times. It got far that I was hit by hangers and objects.

when I was 9 years old I witnessed a fight between two adults in my life fighting with literal knives. It got so bad they locked each other in rooms, clothes were ripped and I had to threaten to slit my wrist if they wouldn’t stop. I went as far to actually grab the knife itself.

I don’t know whether I should get help or not I mean I’m fine right? I feel nothing? Is this normal? What should I do I genuinely don’t feel anything emotionally. But I’m depressed badly and I self harm myself a lot.