My Story *Trigger Warning*
When I was a very small child I was regularly sexually abused by a group of who I assume to be old family friends. I grew up naver telling anyone and always being paranoid. In my sophmore year of highschool I began dating someone who became sexually abusive a coupple months into the relationship. I did not internalize how bad it was because of my childhood trauma. My partner at the time and I decided to bring another person into our relationship, and we were both very excited about her. When we were all together everything was usually okay when my original partner and I were alone it was terrible. After the 3 of us had been dating for a few months things started getting worse. My original partner was becoming violent and sexually abusive when it was the 3 of us together, not just when it was me and them alone. After several months of this the girl we had brought into the relationship left, but I was still with my abuser. I managed to leave after 5 more months, totaling my entire endevor to about a year. A year after it all ended, that girl who got out before I did, told me that I was not the only one who was being hurt when we were alone with our other partner. She blames me for bringing her into the abuse and says she associates me with the trauma so strongly, even though I never hurt her, that she does not want to be friends. She has deemed my disclosure of my trauma to be invasive of her privacy, even though she also openly shares her story. She has demonized me to many people and I have lost two close friends to it. I am doing well and have a very strong support network but this is something that bothers me every once and a while.
@UntilThen Hi Until thanks for posting and for sharing your experience. Im so sorry you had to endure this and suffer abuse at the hands of others. Its not uncommon for those who have suffered sexual abuse in childhood to become revictimised later on in life and this is not your fault. It can be hard to learn what healthy relationships and boundaries are all about when you have had yours so cruely violated and broken. Relationships and healthy ones is certainly something Survivors can achieve but it can take a lot of hard work and healing.
Regarding the other girl it is quite possible as your post explains that she has associated you with the experiences she went through and even though you never hurt her, your acting as a trigger for her and perhaps she needs to distance herself in order to cope. I know that may string, but as any Trauma Survivor has triggers, it just may be too much for her right now to cope with. You havent personally named her in your sharing of your experience and I dont know if when sharing her story she respects you to not mention your name but perhaps its just all very sensitive for you both right now. Perhaps time will heal some of those wounds. Whats important now is to focus on yourself and get the support you need. Those who care about you will stick by you and those are the people that matter 