My abuse story (Trigger Warning)
My father is a very angry,hurt and abusive man. When I lived with my parents my father would lose his temper so quickly,it was like a flip switch. My dad yelled at everyone,broke things in the house and put fear in everyone. My father is abusive,at that time he abused my brother,my mother and I.
I remember my dad yelled at my mother and often got physical with her. He abused my brother by punching him, slapping him, mentally hurting him, through him around his room,kicked him out the house many times and was just cruel towards him.
I remember the abuse I endured from my father. He mentally and verbally abused me and he was very controlling over me. My father was also physical with me. I was bullied in school once and I retaliated aggressively towards the bullies,my mind blanked out,I had to write my statement and when my father saw I wrote I blanked out,he back handed me in front of the school and people saw. My mother told me when I was a baby, I got into the Vasiline, it was everywhere,my dad lost it and smacked my little hands so hard the were so swollen that I was screaming from the pain.
My father put me in a head lock in public because I wondered away from my mom. He put me on a head lock and put me to the floor because I wasn't happy at school and said to him I'm not feeling motivated anymore and when he put me in this headlock he said to me,"there is your motivation,do your school work or I'll make this look like a walk in the park." I felt like he just didn't card that I wasn't happy, that I was depressed.
I remember I was in grade 3 and my dad was tickling me,and I can get very loud and I screech,my mom got irritated and told my father to stop. So my father told me not to screech,he proceeded to tickle me again and I couldn't help it and screeched again, he put his hand over my nose and mouth, making it tight where I couldn't breathe and in such a panic,he said to me,"your mother told you to shut up,so shut up!" My mother shouted at him,"stop it,you are going to kill her!" He then let go and kicked me away and told me to go to my room. He held my mouth and nose closed so tight that my tooth stabbed my lip and was bleeding.
I had a friend over and my friend knew I came off the medication I was on for Endometriosis,but she didn't know my dad didn't know and it slipped,my dad opened the gate and told me to leave and I'm not his daughter because I keep things from him,so I walked. He didn't come look for me,my mom and my friend went behind his back to come fetch me and my friend said that I can stay by her.
I left home because I couldn't stand the abuse and my father came by my friend's house,and tried to get me home and j didn't want to. He said my friend's mother was attacking him so he picked me up and tried to get me out of that house against my own will and since then I didn't want contact with him.
Fast forward to this year,it's been almost 3 years since I've seen my parents,I decided to rock up my parent's house with my fiance so we could talk. My father is worse,he is a lot more mentally unstable. He denies everything he did to me and is accusing me of bazaar things like I had people spy on him, calling me a narcissist and said that I'm a manipulator, saying I gaslighted him. I'm now pregnant,living with my fiance and my dad asks,"what will my answer be if he came and fetched me?" Then I asked him if he meant me and my fiance and he didn't seem keen on my fiance. I said to him in not sure. It just feels like he wants me back to control me again and split my fiance and I up.
I have been struggling with PTSD, anxiety and depression from this abuse and seeing my dad again made it worse. In suffering and can't get professional help. I just wish my dad could fall of the face of the earth
@convivialPerson5552
Let's keep this short and to the point. You are not the narcissist, your father certainly is. And the sad truth about narcissism is that it rarely improves, and people with it don't usually get better over time. It's not only a mental illness, it is habitual and regardless of what they say and do to convince you they'll change, trust me they don't. I have been there with my adoptive mother and father. She was the narcissist and he the enabler, but both were physically and mentally abusive, and it took me 21 years to finally cut them off. They don't know where I live and I only allow email. Some people don't even allow that because it's too much and honestly, I do wonder if it would best to cut them off completely. 6 years after that decision and I still have days where I am so low and erratic that it feels like they're still having an effect on me. But I continue to keep them away from me because it's better for me and my wife not to be anywhere near that toxicity plus, my mother really hates my wife and anything to do with my sexuality.
If you are at all looking for advice, I would certainly say, do not put your fiancé in that position. Anybody can become a victim to a narcissist and I learnt that the hard way. Narcissists need opportunities to get their metaphorical hooks in and if there's someone else who they can manipulate, be rest assured they'll give it a go. However, that is just my advice. If you chose to continue seeing them, then you need to have some 'escape plans' in case things do turn nasty, but I certainly wouldn't be putting a future child near that kind of nastiness.
I am sorry for you. I know exactly how you feel. It's like being stuck between a rock and a hard place because you have been trained, after years of observing and experiencing abuse, to think that you are at risk if you do anything outside of the expected. But, your father has nothing on you if you don't let him! You are stronger than you realise. I personally felt that therapy helped me to talk about my issues and what I'd experienced, but the actions I took were my own and encouraged by friends and my wife who could see it for what it was. I wish you all the best. Take care and well done for speaking out about it. It's amazing really how many people actually go through this.