PTSD Poll/questions results on accepting compliments and ptsd
The results of our lastest question Do you feel you struggle to accept compliments due to having PTSD and how this affects you? are as follows:
75% of those of you who took part said Yes you did struggle to accept compliments as a result of PTSD
25% of you who took part said Maybe you did struggle to accept compliments as a result of PTSD
Many people struggle to take a compliment. It doesnt matter if the compliment comes from a loved one, a stranger, or a trusted source. The struggle goes much deeper than manners, modesty, or cultural norms. The issue for some is about feeling, deep down, that you dont deserve it, that you cant believe it, that as a person you are not worthy, and that you cant allow or take in the experience of feeling good about yourself, or even believing someone else feels good about you either.
To be able to truly hear a compliment depends on being able to see good in ones self. But unfortunately for some, deeply painful past relationships interfere with their ability to accept or see the good in themselves. Even so, with careful work, people can learn to understand their personal barriers, bring compassion to themselves, and learn to respond to compliments in more positive ways.
Deep down we all want love and recognition – to be understood, to be important, to matter to someone else, and to care about a loved one the same way. But for those who survived abuse or neglect, especially during childhood, the experience of trauma raises deep doubts about self-worth, and often fuels an engulfing shame.
Abuse or neglect forces the survivor to make a terrible choice to survive: how to make sense of danger, isolating disconnection and hurt brought by people who are supposed to be safe?
If the abusers were central to a childs life, they cant be wrong. The loyalty to parents and meaningful people that children internalize is huge! Children often protect the abusive caregivers out of loyalty, believing in them and therefore believing that the abuse is fitting and warranted! The abused or neglected individual comes to think he or she must deserve the mistreatment.
Receiving a compliment can be deeply triggering, especially for trauma survivors. It can touch off a great deal of anxiety and fear. Does the compliment come with strings? Does the person giving the compliment want something? Are there hidden motives? Is this just the first step down that awful path toward more mistreatment and abuse?
It can be very hard for those of you with a history of trauma to internalize a compliment, even from someone you trust, because it comes from another world — a place you may not understand – where someone sees something wonderful about you. This conflicts with the part of you that holds the internal view that you dont matter, are worthless. It doesnt seem possible that youy could experience good feelings for yourselves, because that doesnt fit with the way you have learned to see yourself.
The ability to accept compliments does more than feed healthy relationships. It is also important to developing self-confidence and an awareness of how to enjoy life and take good care of yourself. No matter how difficult it may seem, there is always hope that self-compassion and self-knowledge can play a larger role in the course of your life and relationships.
To be able to accept compliments and to know the difference between ones that genuine and ones that are not, one needs to let go of the past associations. Through doing this it will be a lot easier to be present and to respond appropriately to each situation. For some of you this may require processing some deep trauma and for others of you simply being aware of how you are reacting to compliments; and from here consciously choosing to respond differently.
@KristenHR @Anomalia @Lyra @7cups @Laura @dancingstrawberry34 @PuppyLove13
@dancingRainbow45 Gosh! I don't know how can you write so much!! I'd need 4 days to think of these many things to write!
Any trauma makes us doubt and hate ourselves and that diminishes our power to accept us, thus making it feel like the compliments are fake or untrue.. Hoping to overcome that :)
@PuppyLove13 You summed it up so nicely there Puppy and very true what you said. :) Hope you continue working on it, lets give it a try lol I think you are an amazing listener with a big heart :)
@dancingRainbow45 Rain, I can only sum things up xD Never explain them xD You're an amazing, generous person and I love you so very much! <3 I hope we can get through it all together <3
@PuppyLove13 AAwww thank you Puppy and with everyone supporting each other, of course you all can make it through this :)
Yes, I struggle to see the positive and have others treat me positively. At the same time, I don't like being treated negatively. I think I prefer a realistic balance that feels authentic and sincere. I seek a sense of compassion and empathy that feels validating. I don't like people who seem fake and I don't like overly optimistic views.
@ZenCreature @ZenCreature I think for a lot of people who suffer with trauma issues or PTSD they often feel they need people who are not afraid to be themselves, whilst being genuine and real and who maybe on the odd occassion practices a little tough love when needed but who can have an appreciation of what others may be going through. I think sincerity from others can emit compassion and warmth. I think in terms of giving compliments most people wouldnt waste their time giving compliments to others if they did not believe it to be true. The problem can be that those receiving compliments may be so down on themselves and have little self worth that they find it incredibly difficult to not only believe the compliment and accept it but to also believe the other person is being real with them
Can I post here? I've never looked at these forums or posted on them before. I think I have a harder time accepting compliments after having experienced a trauma. I have gotten better at fake accepting them though so others don't realize how uncomfortable it makes me. I'm sure others mean the compliments they say to me but I just can never believe them because I feel so worthless, I can't imagine how anyone could see anything positive about me
@happycloud7o9 Your more than welcome to post in any of the trauma forums that we have and welcome :)
If you want to post something specific, or have a particular issue you wish to mention, take a look through the different forums we have in the traumatic experiences community and try and post in the forum most relevant for what you need. As most people who use these forums are survivors of trauma, we kindly ask members to refrain from posting anything too graphic incase this triggers other survivors but apart from this guideline which is about respect for one another, please feel free to take a look at our forums and see if there is anything of help to you :)
As you mentioned here it is so very hard to accept compliments from others, especially if you are a trauma survivor and having to battle with PTSD which as you mentioned, affects self worth, self esteem, self confidence. It is hard when you perhaps have had experiences that have left you feeling completed depleted of any value, to believe there is anything worth liking or good about yourself, but I am sure those who care about you, believe you to be a good person. Sometimes it can be helpful just to find one thing you like about yourself and go from there, this could be that you care about others, or you are good at a particular skill, or you care about animals etc.
