Parenting with PTSD/C-PTSD

@dancingRainbow45

Thank you for this thread! 😊

I'm a single mum to twin boys, 5.5 yrs old. They are donor conceived so no dad. I have no family support, and friends take them very rarely. I'm homeschooling, so hardly ever get a break! 😵

I have c-PTSD and REALLY struggle with the boys triggering me. Any conflict between them ( and there's tonnes, they fight over EVERYTHING), screaming, one shouting no, stop, and the other not listening. Huge triggers.

Lots of others too. And I go into fight or flight and end up yelling at them, far too much 😢

I have recently really decompensated ( thanks to badly done EMDR) and having lots of flashbacks, nightmares, anxiety etc. It's really hard to stay 'present' to the boys. I often just REALLY want to be left alone, to not be constantly triggered by their noise etc. But they won't let me, they follow me everywhere.

So so hard to be trying to cope with all this. Feel like such a bad parent so often. I know I'm doing my best, I know it's the trauma that's making it so hard to be the parent I want to be. And I hate that, that my stuff has such an impact on them 😞

I hope this thread can be a place where we can support each other in the struggle of parenting when you have a trauma history.

Lessons I learned while Parenting through PTSD

https://www.xojane.com/family/parenting-with-ptsd

Thank you for this thread, @Tamba. Like @TreesandWine, am struggling a bit today. But tomorrow I am on parenting duty, so is nearly certain that I'll feel the need to post here. Am grateful to have been provided an outlet. And be certain that you are not alone in the struggle, and have my unqualified support and complete solidarity.

Wow. I thought I was alone in some of these feelings. I have a lot to say about this, but one thing that's always bothered me is hugging/touching my children or having them do so to me and worrying if it's inappropriate. My son also has trouble sleeping On his own due to intense anxiety/fear of being alone - so he needs someone with him as he goes to bed.

When they were babies it didn't bother me as much but when they got older it certainly did. I found I would freeze up and feel uncomfortable and sometimes even dissociate whenever the tried to hug me. As I have begun therapy this feeling has improved but I often have a "don't touch me" feeling and always felt like I was a terrible parent because I couldn't give back affection in the way they deserve.

A lot of the feelings expressed in this thread are very normal, especially amongst survivors of childhood abuse themselves. For me, personally, having children has felt 'out of the question' for as long as I could ask that question. I worry over how my genetics might impact my children (mental illness being prevalent in my family), over how I may inadvertently damage them (would I be too overbearing or be completely detached?) etc, etc. All of this has led me to take many steps back from the concept and just put it down, saying that I'll revisit it when I've worked on myself and healed enough to feel confident in providing a stable, safe, encouraging space for any child I come into care of. I'm lucky that I didn't end up with a child before I was able to make that decision, because I certainly would have struggled in all aspects of parenting.