Side Effects, And Hope For And Of Healing
***Content advisory***
Post has some content that may be triggering (fear and trauma responses described). Please take care and know what your boundaries/needs are before reading
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Some days I still run to my room to hide, despite being an adult for over a decade. Not because there's anything overtly threatening, but that response was drilled into me. Hide, so they don't hurt you.
Some days I still space out, lose track of time. Some days I take too much caffeine to cope. Some days I scroll endlessly though social media, trying to numb it all out.
And some days, more than I used to, I find reasons to laugh. Some days, more than in the past, I believe I deserve love and care from myself. Some days, more than before, I feel safe and secure enough with my support system that I can open up about it.
It affects the way I walk, but I'm learning new ways of walking and existing in this world. There's hope and healing, and there's more hope for more healing.
Step by step, breath by breath. You are enough. They may have hurt you, but you didn't deserve it. You deserve love and kindness. I know you have your doubts about that, and with all the messages that were drilled into you, well, I understand why. So let's work together to drill these new messages you've heard in now. You are loved, you do deserve love. Love you, my dear ones.
@WriteToHeal42 I can hear the script being rewritten; the old messages drilled into place and kept there - cushioned by a blanket of cheap dopamine designed to quell the protests - slowly being dislodged and replaced. New neural pathways being mobilised by learning new ways of walking and existing - as the inner world comes to reflect the outer the mental map updates itself. You deserve love and kindness, as you generate the oxytocin of laughter and connection together with hope. And yes, you are enough. And thank you, for as you keep writing you keep healing - yourself and anyone who reads your words and is affected by them.
@WriteToHeal42 I wish I had seen this sooner. There's so much I'd like to say and of course l can't find the words.
@WriteToHeal42 I went through some severe trauma growing up and all this time later I am sober and willing to accept and deal with them. It has challenged my faith but lately my sexual orientation as well. Not sure who to talk too for the questions I have or how to ask but I am determined to deal with it once and for all honestly and openly.
@WriteToHeal42
oh how I related to this, Some days just breathing is resilience. And some days, rediscovering sweetness in bitterness is proof that healing doesn’t mean forgetting, it means transforming..