So tired
The daily fight to function with CPtsd and depression/ anxiety is wearing on me. I'm trying hard with therapist but I really don't have other ppl I can turn to except here on 7 cups. Because of all my trauma I don't know how to really connect with ppl on a real trust friendship level. I don't have anyone I can call you and say " I'm having such a rough time because......"
My mum is in dementia ward and my sister is just as messed up as me and is not good support. We grew up in the same miserable violent abusive home. She understands my struggles but hers are the same and it's hard to support each other. She's hyper focused on her rage at the world . Not alot of help to me.
I'm climbing this tall cliff in my head and I keep falling backwards.
ABB
@amiableBlackberry92 Hey you :) I'm sorry I let so much time pass again without checking in with you. I was so sorry about your daughters dog. I know all too well the pain of that. I won't get into too many details but I've had two losses in leas than two weeks. Depression is just hitting extra hard right now and I've been keeping more to myself
How are things with your husband? I was so happy to read that you're spending time with friends and that you're getting out. Have you been doing anymore painting?
@mytwistedsoul
Hi twisted my friend, things have been rough my mom passed recently... Needless to say I'm struggling too with some extra depression.
I'm sorry to hear you've also experienced some recent losses. I understand and it's holiday time too ..... Life is a challenge isn't it....?
Please don't apologize for being absent here it's understandable. I'm struggling to find some kind of hope.
The loss of my daughters dog is hitting her real hard. He was her baby. She struggles with having a baby. The last decade has been more challenging than my childhood. I'm hoping there's better happier times in the next decade , For you and me both .
Thank you for reaching out to me here I really appreciate your support it's incredibly helpful to know I have friends all over .....
Sending a safe hug 🤗
ABB 💜
@amiableBlackberry92 I'm so sorry for your loss. It's amazing our stories are so similar. For me it was my father. The week before him it was my dog. I totally understand how important he was to her. I know how much my girl meant to me
@mytwistedsoul
Twisted, I'm so sorry for the loss of your father. I have been there done that almost 10 years ago. That's pretty much when all this started.... a succession of traumatic events and losses. And still dealing with my partners cancer problem. I know I have abandonment issues and that's playing a role in my inability to find and see hope. I do have some friends that are really supportive I do have my sister she's great she just happens to live in another state. Some days I really just can't even get up and dressed never mind function. I understand what you're going through I'm so sorry about the loss of your precious dog too. And what a time of the year for it to happen. I think the biggest thing that is the hardest for me is the fact that the losses we have to deal with ,their life is over. It's final and for eternity. And any ability to have a normal functioning relationship with these parents is completely lost although we know it can never be what we want it to be even if they were still here ....does that make sense?
For me I went through a huge identity crisis after my father passed because he stole it from me when I was very very young. And because he wasn't here anymore I had to find myself and I think I'm still looking. My issues put a strain on my relationship with my partner. He also has a traumatic background and he has his issues which are triggering for me. There are so many challenges in my life they're hard to face and even harder to deal with on a day-to-day basis.
The struggle continues I don't think it will ever end.
Please accept my deepest condolences for the losses you have dealt with. I understand the complexities they bring.
ABB 💜 hugs
@amiableBlackberry92 Hey you ❤️ I'm sorry I've left so much time slip by again. Depression has been hitting hard these past few months since my father passed. How are you? I'm sure things have been pretty hard for you too with all that's happened and all you're facing
Sending you hugs and good vibes ❤️
@mytwistedsoul
I understand , the loss of a parent is hitting me hard. Mom passed early December and I am just so depressed too. I want to change my entire lifes existence at this point I am really struggling with alot in my current partnership. Its complicated and I am really in a tough way these days.
I send you hugs and positive vibes too. Please write when ever you like or are up to it.
best ABB
@amiableBlackberry92 I'm sorry depression is hitting so hard ❤️ You and her were close? I never thought my father's passing would hit the way it has. It's been a riot of emotions and to be honest I'm not dealing with them. My brain decided against it
How is your partner? How are things with his diagnosis? I can only imagine how hard all this is for you. With the losses you've suffered and then with his diagnosis. It's alot to have to deal with ❤️
@mytwistedsoul
Twisted, I'm sorry your struggling -i understand very much the pain your in I'm so sorry ....and yes I figured out over the course of therapy the reason I was so devastated by my father's death. I realized that any perceived chance to have a good relationship with him was never going to happen after his death but I also realized that it wasn't possible even in life . I had unbelievable trauma response to his death . I was unable to see clearly for a year. Everything was gray. Very strange . I had a good relationship with my mom but it wasn't deep or super connected but we got along and I loved her. I do miss her so much but it was her time. I kissed her closed casket before her burial.
As for my partner things are strained and I'm not doing well. The situation is extremely triggering and difficult. He keeps putting off treatment because he doesn't want to face it....
There's other stuff going on too. Life's always everything at once ..always.....
I'm sending supportive safe vibes and hugs to you ...
Your caring friend
ABB 💜
@amiableBlackberry92 Sending hugs and love ❤️