Triggering situation. TW
There's a neighbor a street over from me and it's a quiet neighborhood and when I'm in my garden sometimes he's out there screaming at his kids and his dog. I can't see his yard from my spot but I can hear- He's swearing and yelling , the dogs barking and the kids are crying . It reminds me of my experience as a child. Omg I can't take it. I use my phone to plug into calming music so I don't have to hear him. There's no way I could or would ever confront that guy he's big and scary. I feel a terrible pain in my middle because it's so sad kids and pets are at the mercy of their adult guardians. Just like I was at the mercy of my horrible abusive parent. It makes me cry for them. I know there's a neighbor next to him that calls the police when it's over the top. It's too much for me.....I can't handle the thought of some kids or pets being mistreated. I was helpless as a child and at the mercy of the worst and we had a dog who was also abused. ABB
More triggers, seriously ugh. I have a very painful physical affliction. It's super triggering because I've had this affliction before and during that first time I was s. assaulted during it. So I get triggered almost daily because I cannot escape my painful condition. All I can see is my assaulters face. Praying to God for strength to get through this as it's at least a year or more before healing. My pain is awful and no meds are given because so many are addicted. So I am suffering on top of my depression anxiety and CPTSD with this unexpected physical problem. I'm trying to hang on but by the end of the day I start to lose it. ABB
@amiableBlackberry92 Hi I go to some mindfulness discussions here at 7cups. Someone mentioned the other day that the classes and videos help with their pain. Not complete relief,but some. Maybe it is something that would be helpful since they don't give you medications. Let me know if you are interested. I would tell you the dates and times. I can relate to what you say about seeing your assaulters face. I know that this is extremely painful thing to experience.
@adventurousBranch3786 maybe I could get the courage to participate. Idk . Forward the dates and I'll try to show up. Sometimes I'm overcome by emotions I can't control. It's a deep deep sadness that bubbles up and I can't seem to surppress it. I know I should let it out but crying, &wailing, is scary for my family. I have so much surppressed pain when I start crying I can't stop. My pain is hard for others to see/ cope with. It takes special trained ppl to deal with me when I'm like that. So if I'm not in this emotional state I can try to show. Your help is appreciated very much thank you 💜 ABB
@amiableBlackberry92 Hi, mindfulness discussions are Monday's 3:30pm edt and Thursday's 5:00pm edt . You are welcome to attend if you are interested and feel up to it! But there is absolutely no pressure for you to do so.
Branch, thx so much I'm gonna try💜 ABB
@mytwistedsoul Thank you for supporting me I need it today. ABB
@amiableBlackberry92
Hi Blackberry, kind hugs
That would be triggering with that big, angry, yelling man--screaming at his kids and dogs. That is so sad also. It is hard to be around that, know it goes on, hear or see it go on, ...especially after having been through bad, horrible things like that and much worse as a kid. I don't understand that one bit, why they act like that and just keep doing it. I and my pets had bad things happen to us, with what happened to my dogs and cat, of couse being a cuel death thing for them. I just don't know what to think about it all and what all you have went through. It is a lot for you to deal with, I know. I also know about seeing your abuser (and me seeing my abusers) and even seeing the face and seeing and going through it all over and over and over. Hugs Blackberry. I hate that about every day for you is so rough and just gets ever more worse as it goes on and goes into night. It sure wears on you and keeps adding up to the pile inside to deal with. My alters have been out a lot lately and some were here in this trauma room earlier today--well it is now called yesterday as it is now about 4 am here. I don't know if who ever was here earlier yesterday saw your message topic post or not. But, I am here now and saw it and decided to chance coming in and handling reading it with the trigger warning, as I am here by myself and none of them are with me now. I'm just trying to say that I feel your hurt, pain, fear, stress, distress, and so much more that comes with this. I wish that I could have been here for you earlier and had been able to know and understand better what you've been going through. I'm glad you have figured out to plug into that calming stuff when that man gets going. I wish something like that would work for so much for the other things with all this.
@Amelia2324..thank you for you kind words of encouragement. I appreciate you so very much and your understanding. It's nice to feel that awesome support. I only have one personality I hide behind in public she has a name she is my protector. Once I became aware of her I realized the real me needed to come forward after many decades of suppression. I used to hide behind her in private too. I still do occasionally. I had so much fear and distrust from my childhood abuse I needed a role to play to survive it. I'm sorry for any pain or triggering my post may give you ...I understand if you can't read them. I'm here, I'm taking it one step at a time. Best always 💜 ABB
@amiableBlackberry92
Hi Blackberry,
That is interesting how you have your protector and have known to stand behind them for years to be alright. That makes sense. You are so welcome and I am just glad that I found your post/thread and read what you wrote. It was okay and did not trigger me or the others. It is ok if you write about things in your life and that is a good thing to feel and do. I'm glad. I hope today it not a real horrible day for you, Blackberry, hugs.
@Amelia2324 .i hope your day was good , I thought about you today.....I had a day out with my friend today. She gives me alot of emotional support, but I was that weepy crying way. We shared alot and I felt good because I have one friend. I get upset when I can't control my crying when I'm with her but it just comes out. My deep pain is crushing me.... I don't need my protector person when I'm with her maybe that's why I cry...idk. we did have a few laughs over some books we shared. I feel lucky I have ppl around me once in awhile , I probably need more but she's what I have. Thank God for 7 cups ....it helps so much to turn here for support....💜 ABB
@amiableBlackberry92
Hi Blackberry, hugs,
How very nice that you and your friend had a nice day out together. 
It is so wonderful how you can feel and get emotional support from her. I'm so glad that she and you are good friends!! You couldn't ask for a better friend, as you both seem to enjoy each other's company and share lots--even about great books. That's so special and wonderful. It's very good that you feel okay to cry when you are with her. That is so trusting and must feel so safe. I haven't ever gotten to where I can feel okay enough to feel that way. I hate that your deep pain is crushing you! That is so very hard!!
I've been having great problems with someone lots for a while now. It's been very rough lately. The problems that become so very huge and go on for many days/weeks are over things you'd think would be a good thing, never a problem. The lastest huge thing that has drug on has been that I cared about them as a person, and cared how they felt. I don't want to go into it, but, it has about taken everything out of me for a long time, trying to deal with them over this. I don't know why or what kinds of real problems exist within them for something so well meaning and innocent to be such a huge issue. You have no idea how enomorous they have made this, and continue to make this, and what it has caused within me. I sure don't understand why they are this way and have never ran acoss anyone like this in any way during my almost 60 years. I know to not ever express any concern for them, in anyway they may be feeling. I could tell you what they have done and put me through with this, but, that would not do any good. I just have not been able to do much of anything. I'm trying a little bit today. I for sure, don't even want to talk to anyone. Someone buzzed me on here, but, I just asked about them, and left quickly. All this has effected me very badly and has been such a huge deal. You are the first person I have even written to and said anything about it. I'm sorry.
Please share more with me when you want to. I like getting to hear from you. I will do my best to get back when I can.
I am very sorry you have to hear and see this. I have trauma and I know I would call the police, over react, and make more trouble. I would be so torn up over the kids and animals being mistreated. You could call non emergency line and see if someone could come check on them. You have to be able to shut it out after that if you can. Headphones great idea. But I would call non emergency line and get an officer.
@amiableBlackberry92
i hear you, witnessing same situations like our trauma can trigger us badly. My parents don't have a healthy relationship since my childhood and it still upsets me. Whenever they fight, my younger self comes in mind that how I would have been so different, so not afraid of men, relationships, marrying if i had not seen this unhealthy marriage.
