my story

Hey @bella54

Thank you for clarifying that this is not for all rape survivors, although I do think its super brave of you to open up a little bit about your story and the different things that you have experienced as a result. Trauma can present in different individuals, in different ways depending on the situation, severity and the person

I am so sorry to hear that your rapist made you believe the negative connotations, for things that were out of your control - I can totally understand that once you are labelled with something, you are more likely to fulfil that label, so it makes sense that although it is out of your control, you would start to believe that you were starting to act like one. Also, please remember that none of this is your fault - trauma is an awful thing, and can make us do and believe many different things.

It sounds like this boy had made a good impression on you, and that you seem to like him a lot. It's unfortunate that you aren't able to enjoy the moment though, because of the thoughts going round that things will eventually be ruined as a result of your trauma. That sounds like some heavy things on your mind for sure. You said that although this boy is different than your past relationships, you are still scared that things may turn out the same way - have you ever spoken to anybody about these concerns?

It can be difficult to feel like our past is still affecting us, even if we want to forget about what has heppened - and i'm sorry that you are feeling that it is a reminder about your past. Have you tried anything in the past, when it came to your past relationships, that helped these thoughts?

I really hope things look up for you, and that you are able to enjoy the time spent with this boy, rather than fighting your trauma. I believe in you