no exact words...

so i am a victim of abuse and i am still really struggling with the idea that it actually happened. i have flashbacks, panic attacks, anxiety attack, and a lot more. there are days that i really dont see life worth living anymore. i cant talk to many people because i have severe trust issues. i have really bad anxiety talking to new people and i havent cried in YEARS! my counselor is impressed and shocked. she tries to ease into the fats and details about what has happened to me but i just cant, my heart speeds up i get shaking and upset. she is so sweet about it tho. i just dont know how to feel or how to exactly explain how i feel or whats happening. i know i have seperation anxiety! really bad.... i dont wanna live like this anymore... but ive been to afraid to reach out. my anxiety is worse and worse everyday and no one gets it. i just hope i can hold on long enough to meet the right person that will be able to help me.