targeted by psychopaths and narcissists repeatedly *serious TW*

I am new here, this is my first post. I have Complex PTSD. I'm desperate. I've spent the last 15 years of my life trying to solve this problem and nobody can help me. I've seen several psychologists, counselors, therapists, etc. My story is so extreme that they've never dealt with anything like it and nobody knows the solution and I can't live like this anymore.

I'm going to try to give a brief synopsis of some of my story. Sorry for how long this is. Each of these incidents could be it's own Lifetime movie or I could write a book about it. It's hard to abbreviate each of these highly complex situations. My story is so extreme that I don't even expect people to believe me and I don't tell anyone anymore. I'm afraid to even tell new therapists (my psychologist of 6 yrs, who was with me through some of these incidents, has retired).

I spent the first 18 years of my life being abused (physically, verbally, emotionally) by my father. My father was a military man with personality disorders and extremely violent and out of control. He targeted me. And that's how this whole pattern began. I was the scapegoat in my family. My younger sister was never touched. In fact, my sister was never punished in any way whatsoever, not even grounded. She was spoiled, actually. There was this very overt difference between the way I was treated and the way she was treated. I was very aware of it, even as a child. The abuse was extreme and I spent a good portion of my childhood in fear for my life, literally. There was police and child protective service involvement (they were useless).

I moved out and far away the moment I turned 18 and never looked back. (I'm almost 40 now). I got in my first relationship with a narcissist (although one psychologist referred to him as a "low level psychopath") which lasted 7 yrs. It was miserable but no overt abuse. Very covert, passive aggressive, manipulative, lying, cheating... Nothing extreme happened with him but shortly after I left him, he was charged with attempted murder of someone else.

The next guy was the first full fledged psychopath. I was still young and naive and had only been in the one prior relationship. I had no idea these people existed. He was extremely verbally abusive and after just a few months, I started to uncover the deep lies he had been hiding about himself and left him. He began stalking me. I had to move, buy a diff vehicle, change my #, etc. He found me. This was after a year of no contact. During that time, I discovered that he was actually a felon and registered sex offender (for a sex crime against a child) and had spent time in prison. At this point in time, I was diagnosed with PTSD. It was a very severe case of stalking and he was mirroring my life. He bought vehicles that matched the 2 vehicles I had (same make/model). He bought a jetski because I had one (even though he couldn't swim), so that he could stalk me by water as well as land. He went to work at the small 2-man company that I had just interned at, so that he could sit at my desk. He had a shrine of pics of me online. And on and on. The domestic violence center thought he would kill me based on the insane messages he was sending me and said they wished they could get me in the witness protection program. Federal police got involved because I am a federal employee and part of the stalking was at work. Long story short, he was convicted of stalking me, got a slap on the wrist, immediately violated probation, went to another hearing, then secretly continued to stalk me for years (but I was unaware). H was on judge judy for one of his cons against someone. Then was in and out of jail for more crimes. Then finally died at like 38.

During this time, my PTSD was REALLY bad. I had nightmares every night that he was breaking into my house and coming toward my room to kill me. I would scream in my sleep and wake myself up from screaming. I was living in fear day and night.

The federal cop who was assigned to the above mentioned case was the next stop in this trauma train. The federal cop was the most extreme narcissist you'll ever meet. He's literally written books about himself. And published them. He was a sexual predator who used his position to prey on young, vulnerable women who came to him for help. In fact, that's what one of his books is about. It's all about him (right down to the very car he drove in real life) preying on young, vulnerable women. The book even includes a rape scene against a 12 yr old. This book was written 20 yrs before he preyed upon me. God knows how many other victims there were before and after me. He's still a cop.

Since I was a federal employee and he was a federal cop, we both worked in the federal building. So I would see him around the building in the common areas and this would cause me to have panic attacks. I lived in constant fear of seeing him. I would have to leave work frequently. My PTSD had gotten drastically worse.

Now it's going to get more complicated. I have to be careful how I word this so that I can maintain anonymity.

When I moved into this house (to get away from the stalker), I ended up right next door to another psychopath. This guy keeps his wife and kids locked up like prisoners. His kids (teenagers) don't go to school, or go out to play or ride bikes or walk to a friends house or the store or the park. His wife doesn't work or drive, doesn't have friends, doesn't go to the grocery store, nothing. These people literally are not allowed to leave the house at all unless he (the psycho) takes them somewhere. Needless to say, as soon as I moved in, he decided I would be a good target. He began harassing me immediately, in every conceivable way. Throwing garbage over my fence, onto my property, climbing in my window, tearing stuff off my house, finding me online and leaving me harassing messages, calling every city service on me as a means of harassment (no actual violations). He had a criminal record and was on probation, in fact, when he climbed in my window. This has been going on for over 12 yrs.

I should mention that, due to my childhood, I'm a very non-confrontational person. I'm extremely passive-submissive and quiet. I'm petite. When I meet people like this, I avoid them like the plague because I'm terrified (due to my upbringing w/ my father) of angry/violent men. Confrontation of any sort causes me to have panic attacks. Yet, despite these people not getting any response from me, they still obsessively harass me.

Anyway, due to squeaky wheel gets the grease, I guess, the neighbor was able to actually get the city to go after me with all his relentless calls about me. I can't mention the specifics but I ended up being criminally charged with something that's not even illegal. Not only was it not illegal, but it is something that is seen as a service to the community. And ultimately, it's something I actually received an award for from the city later on. I can't mention specifics because, due to the sheer insanity of this case, it made national news and for the first time in my life, I had tons of support coming from all over, including celebrities. But, I was being victimized by the very system that my tax dollars pay to protect me from people like this lunatic neighbor. I should also mention that, at the time, I was a volunteer for the city's police dept. This case dragged out for years.

Meanwhile, I had stayed far away from the dating scene. I didn't date for 5 yrs. Focused on trying to heal from all this. Lots of therapy, journaling, support groups, and TONS of reading about abuse and cluster B personality disorders to try to stop this from happening anymore.

After 5 years, I felt I might be ready to try dating again and I met someone who I thought for sure WASN'T a psychopath. I made sure this time to do my own research (background check, sex offender registry, etc) and to take it super slow. This guy seemed very successful, wore very nice business attire, was a homeowner, spoke in a thick British accent... Seemed to actually have himself together. Long story short, after a few weeks of dating, he raped me. I realized he wasn't who he seemed and started doing some digging. I found that every single thing he had told me about himself, down to the very name he had given me, was a lie. He had used an alias so that I wouldn't find out that... you guessed it, he was a felon. On probation for 7 crimes at the time. He had all these fancy war medals in a case hanging on his wall, surrounded by letters from the president thanking him for his service... all fake. His supposed career, fake. His education, fake. The giant wad of money he pulled out of his wallet (which I later realized he did because he wanted me to see) came from cash advances he was getting from every cash advance company in the area and not paying back and never showing up for court when he was sued. His house was in foreclosure. He had lost his licenses and career due to his felonies (forgery and the like). Here's the kicker... that thick British accent he spoke in...for hours on the phone.... also fake. He had conned a woman right before me out of $50k while pretending to be a millionaire physician including dressing the part and showing up at her house wearing scrubs and a stethoscope around his neck. She married him before finding out the truth a few months later.

Needless to say, when all that happened, after 5 yrs of trying to fix the prior damage, I was absolutely devastated and suicidal. The Rape Crisis Center (which I was having to call daily because I was in extreme crisis nonstop) encouraged me to report the case. It was a pretty clear cut case. The guy was a felon, I had texts where he basically begged to come over to my house, promising he wouldn't try anything. Then I had texts the next day where he apologized for "losing control" and was begging for another chance. I told the crisis center that due to my prior court situation with my city, they were not a big fan of me, having been publicly humiliated on a national level, and that there'd be no way they'd do anything if I reported this. They assured me I had nothing to worry about because rape is a felony and goes to the county, not the city, and that I wouldn't have to deal w/ the prosecutor in my city at all.

Well.... long story short, the prosecutor got wind of the situation and blocked my case from going to the county so that it could never even be seen by a grand jury. The detectives in my city were supposed to gather the evidence and take it to the county but the city prosecutor prevented them from doing so. I called the detective after he had come back from vacation and asked what the status was. He had only been back in the office a few hours after a week vacation. He said he had taken the evidence to the prosecutor and they weren't going to pursue charges. I said how could you have possibly had time to run downtown (to the county office) and how could the prosecutor downtown, on a monday morning (prosecutors are always in court monday mornings) possibly have had time to review all the evidence and make a decision already this early in the day. He said he didn't go downtown, he took it to our city prosecutor. This is after he had assured me (on top of the rape crisis center assuring me) that the city prosecutor had nothing to do w/ it. I reminded him of that and he said, "there's a new rule, it goes to the city prosecutor first." It was clear what they were doing. I said, "Since when?!" He said, "Effective......today." I called the crisis center absolutely hysterical. The legal rep at the center had never seen anything like this in 20+ years of experience. My city is extremely corrupt.

They followed it up by kicking me off the volunteer police force.

I went another year or so without dating and then met someone I again was sure wasn't a psychopath. Did the background check thing again. This guy legitimately had a good job, it wasn't fake. The job he had was w/ the state so he had to pass a background check to work there. He seemed like a very quiet, introverted computer geek. We dated for over a year and were considering living together when I found out he was secretly MARRIED. But wait, there's more. He wasn't just married to ONE woman, he had TWO wives! It just gets worse from there. He was also having an affair w/ another married woman and that had been going on since before I started dating him. Turns out he also had a lengthy criminal history in another state but they spelled his name wrong so I think that's how he passed all the background checks. He had restraining orders against him from 3 different women. And guess what? He was another FELON. He had been in and out of jail and prison since he was a juvenile and got his first felony at 18. He had a violent history. And he had numerous kids by numerous women and had no relationship with any of these kids, hadn't even met some of them.

About a year after I left him, he was arrested on 15 child pornography felonies (distribution and possession). The date of his offenses was while I was dating him. On top of all the other women he was seeing while I was with him, he was also part of a child pornography ring. The other married woman he had been having an affair with... she had possession of his phone after his arrest and found explicit pics of him with numerous women and men. He took a plea bargain and only received a year in prison for this! He's now out and listed as a registered sex offender. If you're keeping score, that's 2 sex offenders I've been targeted by (and that doesn't include the rapist or the federal cop).

I had another mental breakdown. How could this happen again? How can I consistently meet so many psychopaths when they are supposedly such a small percentage of the population? Why do they keep targeting me? Why am I not meeting a mixture of good and bad people? At this point, I had been "involved" with 5 men (I hate to use the word "dated" because that doesn't apply to all of them). Out of 5 men, 2 were registered sex offenders. That's 40%. 4 out of 5 were sexual predators.

After reading all this, you're probably like, "why are you hanging out w/ all these criminals? You must be a loser." I'm so extremely polar opposite of these people. I've never even drank alcohol in my life! I've never tried any drugs. I've certainly never committed any crimes. I started working at 12 yrs old. I have always been an overachiever in life. I have an IQ in the top 1% of the population. I have a security clearance and have a great career with the federal govt. Upper income bracket. I own a nice house, nice car, boat, etc. I've done it all on my own. I used to volunteer for the community. Now, with everything I've been through, I don't even leave the house unless I absolutely have to. It's like I have a huge target on my back that bad people can see from miles away.

This pattern doesn't just apply to dating situations and romantic relationships. I find these people try to infiltrate my life in any way they can. The neighbor is a perfect example of that. And there have been others. Currently, I'm being bullied by some guy at work who I barely know. I've never worked directly with him, he knows nothing about me. But I have now found out, from 2 sources, that this guy is running a smear campaign about me to anyone who will listen. He's fabricated a bunch of lies about me and is telling everyone these lies. Someone in mgmt has leaked info to him about my PTSD (I work from home due to my PTSD and had to fill out a reasonable accommodation request for that) and now he is using my personal medical info against me as part of his smear campaign. This is a huge trigger for me. I've been in crisis mode for weeks and can't cope. Every time another of these incidents occurs, I can't handle it anymore. It's like all of them are occurring all over again. I just can't live like this. I don't even see the point in living when clearly this pattern isn't going to end. I'm completely powerless to stop it. Nothing I've done in the last 15 years to try to stop this has done a bit of good. I've become a completely recluse because it's the only way to try to at least slow it down by limiting my exposure to humans entirely. But even that doesn't work because there are still neighbors and coworkers.

Can someone please tell me how to stop being a target?? I just want to live in peace.