trigger warning upset and unsure
trigger warning
we upset due to a long time friend online and well she a therapist who been disabled very long time it hard to say as she been there for us and helped us a lot over the years too
we tryed to explain why we label the things in our past but we hear from her that labels are not to be as it about healing the memories so they no longer apart of ones daily life they not thought about as in that they not effected ones life no longer
but for us to be-able to really faces the memories we seem to need labels of what they truly was and well that it not within just our mind but has a truth behind it all we not get why she was upset but well she seemed to not get what we was saying either so that upset us a lot
but we just not want to fight about it either this was a trigger for us as when young we say how we was feeling emotionally and be told we was wrong and that we felt another way so for us it not really about saying stuck in the past and not healing it more about having more then just sexual abuse is only that as it was so much more for us
lost of identity or really never having one apart from mom or brother
physical abuse that was very very bad and every day
emotional abuse that took away every thing from us gave us shame and so much more
mental abuse day in and day out to point of brainwashing
being used for as only something to make money off from
verbal abuse yelling belittling even saying we was nothing due to being a girl
spiritual abuse make fun of for our faith
being told due to spiritual beliefs we was out of touch with reality
being told we was to honest due to telling truth about things they only wanted to lie about
having to be the emotional parent to mom
so many more we could write
what wrong with saying the labels to this all does it really make a different if we do or not as we doing the healing work have been for many years now day by day getting better healing more and more over time healing a journey that we feel goes on and on that the abuse was not just a few days but a life time in away
but now we not get by saying the labels of what it was and bring new voice to what we was never allowed to voice as a child even as a adult maybe we wrong for giving it so many labels and working through the memories with them labels that for us help define it all too
but each person different in how they heal in how they live each day we in the now and we have moved on for the most part making a new life from the ashes of the past each day making tiny steps along the way
what is the end can anyone be fully healed or even within that a lie as we be honest about were we at it not a daily thing that bothers us to point we live in fear at all
but we feel more then one way to work on healing more then one way to say what it was either we told to work through each memory to us that more like not seeing the connections within all the memories it not like each memory was a part from the rest they like a spider web each a string but also each a whole part of the other too
just unsure what to think any more and what to give voice to as not want to upset others not was to get them mad due to how we feel about things how we work through things some things work for one but not work for others at all we each one of a kind
@stormieandpaws I think I understand what she's saying but I have to agree with you Paws. Even though we work through things and slowly make our way through healing that doesn't mean that memories go away or disappear. They just lose their intensity over our daily lives.
@mytwistedsoul
thanks we saw the offline therapist today brought this up as was still upset she said we right that it not one memory at a time as they all fit together she also said there no harm in labeling things either she listened to why we do it and agree with us that should not have upset the one online as for us if one listens it helpful in doing the healing work for us it like makes things clear as far as what was done to us that we not crazy as it all has names to it not just one name covers it all
yes we get that it was all done within sexual abuse but not everyone we was abused by did it sexually so to us we feel in away like if we can put the things done to us into like mental boxes with labels on them it helpful the therapist we saw today she said she fully got what we was saying to her it even made a lot of since
so after talking to one offline today we less upset too she said the one online was not listening or set in her ways about healing work she also brought up that no one fully healed if they still have alters or parts as some say it so to her it was clear what was going on with it all glad we brought it up with one we see offline as it was so helpful
@stormieandpaws I'm really glad you brought it up with your offline therapist and it helped. I can understand that everyone was still upset. It's upsetting when something we've been doing something that helps and another person says you're wrong.
@mytwistedsoul
thank you the online one that not been really a active therapist offline she set in her ways and think due to they have worked for her they only way to heal we disagree with her on that due to how we heal been lot different but we still love her just not bring up somethings to her any more we think safe thing to do we known her over 20 years some within system call her momma too
she been helpful a lot at times over the years but somethings we but heads on but that ok as well no two persons are the same and no all heal the same either. offline therapist agree with us too
she said ones healing journey their own others just there to guild them and help them but the journey and how it done up to each person. found that very helpful and helps us truth her more too
@stormieandpaws Oh yeah, sometimes we do have disagreements with people we care about. It's great though that you've been friends for 20 years! That amazing!
@mytwistedsoul
yes she a amazing person tomorrow we think it her 85 surgery this one on her hand again as the joints come out we amazed she keep going some days with all the pain physically she in too
she been a mentor to us a long time too it hard to put into words how we feel about her in many ways she been great for us over the years we supported her at times by listening to her when she needs support too she taught us a lot in deep ways we truly love her and trust her even if we not agree with her on some things yes each of us have out own path on our healing journey
we glad to have her in our lives we also blessed to have you in our life to you touched us in many ways over the last year too
@stormieandpaws Omgosh so many surgeries! I hope everything went well for her.
@mytwistedsoul
thank you we feel same about you it great getting to know you better. we had a hard week as home aid father in law died and she been unable to come most the week. when she not come we end up sleeping to much guess we use to her being here 3 days a week 2 1/2 hours. but we understand why she was unable to come. she told us out of the 3 people she helps we was the only understanding one. that sad to us as it was not her doing and they found be more understanding.
why can some people be so self centered that they lack understanding and empathy for others.
hope you having good week
