An all or nothing. tw: rape

Greetings,

i'm having an ordeal deciding if revisiting a location ive been raped in ,would cure the spontaneous depression i've been going throught.

a little bit of back story : when i was a 10 year old boy , i was blackmailed by some 15 year olds for sexual favours , which lasted for about 3 months in total. eventually theyve been exposed and legally dealt with. and i got over it COMPLETELY. meaning i seeked medical attention ive been to therapy , ive recieved medication and stopped medication) i later joined the army.

the issue im having is , for so long , i rarely developed an interest in ANYTHING ,and im almost 20 this year , which really begs the question of wtf is really going on? what i did notice about this dazzling situation is:

1- i seem to be solely interested/still am with things ive liked before the incident ( i like motorcross dirtbikes , some old pokemon games , and a certain crush)

2-anything post-incident is either thrown , or simply lost interest in a remarkable amount of time (a week at max)

3-post-incident i've become a former shell of myself(cant recall HOW i was exactly, since i was 10 lol) ,meaning amongst a group of friends , im exceptionally good at listening to others , which makes you a really good crying cornerstone + im quite reserved, and colourless(either due to a lack of personality , or this is my natural one , not sure) which basically makes me go well with ALOT of ppl , the bad , the good , and shy , the bully. there really isnt no 1 i dont go exceptionally well with ( i honeslty find that bizarre)

its worth mentioning: people usually are polite when im around ,even to each other, as if there is a certain pressure i exert when im around .-.

The thing is now , Im getting sudden attacks of growing depression , FOR NO REASON. i do not have 1 reason to be depressed , but i still wake up every day seeing 23 shades of black filtered through my eyes as i carry on my day.

confused by this growing depression , i talked to someone over the internet anonymously. (not that reliable of a source , but hey hear me out.) He suggested i re visit the location ive been raped in , and just sit there for a bit. (its a place just over the hill)

The interesting thing is , IM ACTUALLY LEGIT SCARED OF VISITING THAT PLACE , even though no one is around and there is nothing exactly terrifying about it , but there it is , the feeling of sudden doom to describe it more exactly. And this makes me want to visit it even more , given my subconscious is making me scared shitless for no apparent reason.

i can personally pull it off , but i wanted to check in here for some feedback from professionals regarding this method , because im afraid it might revive some even worse burried memories i might have forgotten , and i end up actually f*cking myself.

your feedback is highly appreciated.