Assault, emotional abuse, being used for sex
Hello,
I was assaulted by someone I was dating. I had asked him out, because I wanted a relationship, something with substance. I wanted to have deep conversations, tell him about my childhood, talk about God, etc. He dismissed all of those deep emotional desires for connection when he assaulted me, which makes me feel like it was a form of emotional abuse.
I feel scared of sex with the new partner (would be my first time/losing my virginity) not really because of fear of the pain or feeling insecure about my body, but because of the traumatic feeling of being undervalued and having my worth taken from me in such a deep way.
Has anyone experienced anything similar? It can be triggering for me to be around friends talking about kink or bottoms/tops, etc. any casual discussion of sex, because of the way my perpetrators' need to "have fun" was used to traumatically deny my worth and depth as a person.
-Day
@Daydreamer47
You're not alone Day. Unfortunately many are assaulted and invalidated because someone wants what they want. Unfortunately it happens in dating relationships, as well as marriages. I can understand your fear. Have you checked out any books by Wendy Maltz? She's a therapist/author on reclaiming your life after sexual assault.
@KristenHR Thank you very much. I will look her up. I'm also starting counseling at a local rape crisis center, and they have healing circles as well, so hopefully that wil help me.
