Confused
In my childhood I had a huge lose very early. When I was 7 my mother was killed in a head on collision, after which I believe I blocked a lot of things out of my mind because of the trauma of it. A few years after my grandfather was accused and admitted to abusing my younger cousin. He never physically abused me but did show me his penis while standing at the front door. Also my father would watch porn naked in front of me but never touched me of course I would leave the livingroom. Well those last sentences are incorrect. possibly. Just few years ago I was informed that this acquisition with my grandfather also included a neighbor as well and had happened for years until her preteens. I also was informed my sister was abused sexually by our father. So now with knowing this information I feel like memories I have are not as correct as I think. I always remember playing hide and seek at the neighbors house with my cousin.... which is all I remember about that house. Also I remember my grandfather like to spank us for no reason... I just remember the spanking not the reason or anything before that. I also always thought it was a dream but I thought I was dreaming that someone would come in my room and touch me. Now I think it was real and I just blocked the truth out. Sorry it was a little loud to read but it needed to be out.
@gentlePenguin1975 I'm sorry that this is something you have to deal with, it must be extremly difficult to navigate. My spouse had some childhood traumas and now as an adult he struggles with remembering them fully or remembering them all. He will hear a song or see something that will trigger a feeling but is not sure why he would feel that way. His therapist suggested going to see a CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapist) apparently they specialize in innacurate or negative thinking and help you look at situations in a different way. Maybe something to look into, Good luck.
Thank you so much for listening and replying. I sometimes feel like my whole past life is what I made up to forget the truth. I often have the same experience as your spouse, when something triggers a memory and I then question everything. I will look in to the CBT information you gave me. Thanks again!
