Did I experience child on child sexual abuse?
I have aspergers so I'm very bad at judging people's true intentions and often can be very timed because of my parental abuse that has made me automatically take on whatever someone does to me.
when I was five until I was eight I was friends with an older girl (she was three years older). When I was five I learned about date rape drugs and by extension sexual assault. It became an active part of our play and wile nothing was penitive there was fondling. Most of my memories are very spaced out as I was also emotionally abused so I can't really recall much as a child strongly. She was some stronger than me and it was her that continued this part of our "play", the only time I really can recall being happy being around her was for three months when the touching stopped. She would do things like pretend I was a boy so she could have sex with her, she'd ask me what parents of the female body I liked best? She use to play things like pretending we had a pinching machine . Because we played in her garage we never really had any adults keeping a close eye on us. I know she did the same sort of play with a girl later on, pretending to take photos of her on the school toilet.
edited by dancingRainbow45 on 05/05/2017 as this post is moving to Traumatic Experiences community,. sections have been edited to ensure it does not breach the community guidelines on non graphic discussion in forums to avoid triggering others
Hi,
It sounds like there was definetely some sketchy things going on. There are different types of sexual abuse and it does seem like even if she didn't penetrate you with something, she did forcefully touch you and make you do things you didn't want to do to. It also sounds like, she was very inappropriate and...curious as a child. When there are situations like this, it helps to write it down, read it to yourself, and try to think if you've missed out any details or if you remember more details. When traumatic experiences happen we sometimes can block memories and "forget" about them, but they're still there we've just surpressed them. If something traumatic did happen, you may have done that. So just try to sit down in a quiet place or with someone you trust, and try to talk it through with them.
TL;DR - Yes I think so.
@Versatchy
Thank you for replying xx
Im slowly recalling things but I'm still trying to accept the fact that it was maybe sexual abuse....I know as a very young child (from around the age I was around the girl) I was actually rather deturbed and often was showing sytomes of suicidal tendencies and internaled self loathing (I mostly know this due to the fact I'm currently in therepy for these reasons). Over the years I think I just have repressed anything and everything to do with it due to the fact she was a minor and it's just not something I actually knew could be a type of abuse until a few months ago m
@Desrow
That happens a lot, believe it or not. People block out traumatic experiences, but the symptoms still show up and express themselves in different way like self harm, suicide attempts, etc. And people have blocked it out so much they don't know the source of it all, but it's really the trauma.
It does take a while to "accept" or at least understand what happened, the effects, etc. You will begin to realize some of your personality traits or habits, are a result. It could be the small things. You'll start realizing where the trauma fits in with your life, and the sneaky things it does without you noticing.
I think one of the first things you can do is talk about it to someone, either a listener or someone you trust or a therapist though they're kinda the last resort, and as I said just to let it out. Then I think it's to learn about the symptoms and the effects and such, though it may hit a bit close to home. It's also ideal to remember that it's a process of healing and it won't happen overnight. If it gets overwhelming (talking about it or researching it), stop. Go to bed. Each day should be a small step to healing.