First Time Opening Up About What Happened
This is one of the first times that I’m opening up about this. I’ve only talked to my best friend and my therapist about this before, and even they don’t know entirely what happened.
When I was just 17, an adult who was in a position of authority over me SA me. It went on for years because I was afraid of him. Likewise, he was a person who helped me through a tough time before the SA started, so there was a part of me who thought I was indebted to him for him helping me through that tough time. It definitely helped him manipulate me.
Recently, I’ve started going to therapy to start working through this and other trauma I have. However, with the trauma being unpacked, I’ve been having really bad nightmares about the assaults to the point that I’ve only had 2-3 hours of sleep a night for 3 weeks. Every time I sleep, I have nightmares about it. Likewise, I’ve remembered parts of it that I never remembered before. I’m sure that has to be because my brain blocked it out to protect me.
It has just been so hard dealing with it for the first time. That coupled with working through depression, anxiety, OCD, and anorexia for the first time have taken a toll on me.
@kindLime9951
First of all, I want to thank you for sharing this pain with us. I know it is not easy, but I really believe that talking about it and processing is the key to getting rid of the toxicity those thoughts bring.
Secondly, I want to say that I think you sound incredibly strong and resilient. You have gone through so much and you are still fighting back and owning your power to not let that person ruin your future. I love that and I hope that you recognize it in yourself and feel proud too.
I am really sorry to hear that these memories are now formulating themselves into nightmares and keeping you from getting good rest. One thing that might be worth trying is some of the mindfulness exercises we have here https://www.7cups.com/exercises/mindfulness/?showlist=1
Those might help you to try to purge those thoughts and allow you a little bit of peace.
You are really so amazing and I am honored that you shared with us. Sending you lots of prayers for peace of mind, clarity and happiness❤️
