Flashbacks
It all started when I was six years old. A family friend lived with us and he told me it was time for me start being a “big kid”. He asked me to take my clothes off and lay on the bed in different positions while he took pictures. This continued, and eventually led to touching and things like that. When I was 9, he raped me for the first time.
I will never forget that pain. I was crying and begging for him to stop. I didn’t know it was wrong. I just knew it hurt. When he finished, he slapped me and told me if I ever bled on him again he would kill me. He continued to rape me almost every night until I was 13. I got my first period and he told me I was no good anymore. He moved out.
Fast forward 10 years and I’m still struggling. I don’t know why his opinion still matters to me, but I am on 5 different forms of birth control to keep me from having a period because I am so ashamed of them. I haven’t slept a full night since without night terrors. I have panic attacks. I just can’t be normal. The more I try to bury it, the more I have night terrors and panic attacks. I don’t know what to do. Any advice would be wonderful. Thank you for taking the time to read my story.
I'm so sorry you have to go through this awful thing.. I don't know what to say, I'm not that good at comforting people since no one did for me, I don't know how to do it.. I've been through a similar thing.. let me tell you it's not easy the flashbacks, the nightmares, the attacks, the triggers all of the experience is not easy.. maybe knowing that you're not alone could give you some comfort.. I wish I can help out but for me whenever I remember what happened, I'll cry and write down my feelings and worries.. it soothes me a bit. However, I haven't found a solution on the long run tho. I'm here if you want to share more maybe you will feel lighter but I totally understand if you don't since opening up about this is never easy.. just know that you're awesome and ypu deserve to have awesome days..
Take care of yourself my wonderful friend ❤️❤️
Thank you so much. ❤️ I’m very sorry you had to go through something similar. It makes it very hard to live a normal life. I’m always here if you need to talk, and I will try my best to comfort you. I’m sorry you’ve never had that. I haven’t either, but mostly just because I’ve never actually told anyone. Please take care of yourself and I hope everything gets better for you!
