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warmheartedPenny1949
15,139 M Progress Road 1
PathStep 21 Compassion hearts248 Forum posts9 Forum upvotes7 Current upvotes7 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2022 Member sinceMarch 10, 2019
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Recent forum posts
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Really struggling
Trauma Support / by warmheartedPenny1949
Last post
 May 18th, 2022
...See more I shared the story of my childhood abuse on here before. I was starting to feel normal again. I was hanging out with friends and starting to feel happy for the first time. Last night that changed. Someone I believed to be a good friend raped me. I had been drinking a little but I still know what happened. He broke my wrist and two of my ribs. Now I just feel like I have a target on my back. How many times can this happen to one person? I feel scared to go anywhere. I haven’t been able to sleep because I have nightmares. I can’t eat. All I can think about is what happened last night. It just runs through my mind constantly and I don’t know how to make it go away
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Flashbacks
Trauma Support / by warmheartedPenny1949
Last post
 April 15th, 2022
...See more It all started when I was six years old. A family friend lived with us and he told me it was time for me start being a “big kid”. He asked me to take my clothes off and lay on the bed in different positions while he took pictures. This continued, and eventually led to touching and things like that. When I was 9, he raped me for the first time. I will never forget that pain. I was crying and begging for him to stop. I didn’t know it was wrong. I just knew it hurt. When he finished, he slapped me and told me if I ever bled on him again he would kill me. He continued to rape me almost every night until I was 13. I got my first period and he told me I was no good anymore. He moved out. Fast forward 10 years and I’m still struggling. I don’t know why his opinion still matters to me, but I am on 5 different forms of birth control to keep me from having a period because I am so ashamed of them. I haven’t slept a full night since without night terrors. I have panic attacks. I just can’t be normal. The more I try to bury it, the more I have night terrors and panic attacks. I don’t know what to do. Any advice would be wonderful. Thank you for taking the time to read my story.
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Confused
Journals & Diaries / by warmheartedPenny1949
Last post
 April 2nd, 2022
...See more I have woken up in the middle of the night a few times and my husband has been having sex with me. I have been raped before and this makes me feel very similar. Is this SA? How do I know if I really am initiating it. Idk, I just feel so down about it.
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Question
Trauma Support / by warmheartedPenny1949
Last post
 July 19th, 2022
...See more I’ve woken up in the middle of the night a few times and my husband has been having sex with me. He always says I initiated it, but I was sleeping. I’ve been raped before, and this makes me feel the same way. Is this SA? How do I know if I am really initiating it in my sleep?
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Question
Trauma Support / by warmheartedPenny1949
Last post
 April 20th, 2022
...See more I woke up in the middle of the night and my husband was having sex with me. He says I initiated it, but I was asleep. I’m so confused. Was this sa?
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Years of pain
Trauma Support / by warmheartedPenny1949
Last post
 April 1st, 2022
...See more I’m new here and I just wanted to share some of my story. I’ve never told anyone. It started when I was six years old. A family friend that had lived with us my entire life told me I was at the age to do my part for the family. I was six. He told me fo get naked and let him take pictures of me. It went on for months which then led to touching, him making me touch him things like that. Then when I turned 9, he raped me for the first time. I will never forget that pain. I was bleeding and when he got finished, he slapped me in the face and told me if I ever bled on him again he would kill me. He raped me almost every night until I was 13. I got my first period and he told me I wasn’t good for anybody anymore. I felt so much shame and guilt for something I had no control of. He moved out a few days later. I felt as if I had done something wrong. To this day I have flashbacks during sex and I have never been able to actually enjoy sex. I have even hit people during flashbacks. I don’t know how much more I can take.
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