Flashbacks and sleep - HELP!
I'm finding it really difficult to sleep... Being interrupted by constant flashbacks which makes me break into a sweat, wake up kicking and calling out. .. So worried I'll wake my kids, scare them with my nightmares. The sense of powerlessness over this... Trying my hardest to ground myself, use grounding techniques... Whatever you call it. But makes little or no difference after waking up.... By that time it's too late!! How am I supposed to function on 2-3 hours of sleep a night? The less sleep I get the more anxious i feel, the more anxious i am the more the flashbacks come... This vicious circle is killing me. And even though I know some of my triggers (heavy duvet, over hot) it's really hard to avoid them without ending up sleeping on the floor, or waking up just to remind myself that I'm here in the here and now. Medication doesn't appear to be working at all.... Started a new drug which I have to start taking in small quantities working up to the full dosage, but in the meantime I'm here, shit scared of falling asleep once more, worried how to cope with little or no sleep, how can I maintain an outward appearance of calm when I'm going crazy inside??? Thoughts running around my head like a relay race that I just can't stop, no matter how much I shout and scream for it to go away, leave me in peace. How do you cope with flashbacks that you can't control???
Grits sooo sorry, been there sucks bad. I started writing in a journal when I couldn't sleep. I wrote in detail all that happened and all the flashbacks. I took this journal to my therapist and she helped me forgive by going over every detail and how it made me feel. It was so uncomfortable but it worked. Plus I take meds to sleep now but I have forgiven my abusers yes more than one. My biggest hurdle is forgiving myself. I feel your pain. Praying for you and your healing. I hope this info helps. ABB
Hello, Thank you so much for your kind words - they do help... More than you realize! I think I need to start journaling, just want to find a way that is confidential, that my kids won't find, or stumble across. And a place/time/environment where I can concentrate. Unfortunately I've just started new meds which aren't working yet, so I'm getting little sleep, totally knackered and not coping too well. You're so right - one of my biggest hurdles is forgiving myself... Something that I'm a long way from doing. Hopefully that won't be the way forever, but the anger I feel with myself for being 'little Mr compliant', not fighting, not shouting, not doing enough to stop it, to stop him, to stop others (yes, like you, more than one)... This I'm finding really hard to work through. To cap it all, the local MH support is non existent at present... Still 3 months away from even an assessment, let alone some form of support. And in the meantime, struggling with staying on top of some really dark thoughts about harming myself, doing something that will give me the escape from this that I need. Sorry... Rant over! Thank you again - you helped me when I needed someone. Grits
Grits, rant all you want you need to get It out. I don't mind. I'm just sorry you gotta go thru this. I was little Miss People Pleaser...ugh! It ruined my ability to have boundaries. I have had those very dark thoughts too. The meds will help with that. I was lucky I met my therapist as she was consulting at my job for a bit and we just connected. She's one of the only reasons I've survived all my excruciating pain . Ppl always say when you want to hurt yourself get busy but that's hard to do when you are in that dark pit of pain. But remember it will pass and your going to be ok. If I can do it you can too . I had terrible child abuse I never faced until I was assaulted 3 years ago and was dealing with an incredibly toxic bully at work . I finally got away from that situation.( After a major breakdown) I can't stand up to ppl my fear response is freeze/ disassociate. 🤦🏻♀️ It's an old survival tool. Anyway I'm here for you and I know your strong. It took me 6 months to get strong enough to post on community forum. I've been in therapy for 3 years. It's been an education that's for sure. I know more about CPtsd than I care to. Lol. I found Don Miguel Ruiz books very helpful to me. And journaling,.. Best 💜ABB
Oh btw I leave all my journals in a box at my therapist office for privacy. There's 20+journals😉 lol,currently writing in #21 ABB💜
@Grits1910 I am sorry to hear about the flashbacks while sleeping, I have been having a lot of nightmares lately that I believe are memories too, I think writing them can be helpful, I haven't done that yet lol but I am thinking about it. I hope the medicine you are taking can help you and is great that you are reaching out, I understand that dark thoughts can be tempting when we are struggling really badly. I am hoping everything gets better soon.
Grits,. I hope your doing ok and getting some kind of rest. ABB
@amiableBlackberry92 Thank you for asking! In response, no... Not getting much sleep at present, waking up middle of the night either with a million things running through my head, or waking up shouting out, sweating and heart pounding, flashbacks, nightmares or whatever you want to call it. Meds aren't really having much impact at night but... On a positive note I did have a better day at work today, so at least I'm less anxious right now! So silver lining... 😉 Off to bed now... Fingers crossed I'll sleep for more than the two hours I got last night!
Im glad you had a good day at work!!! This is good. I use teas ,yogi stress relief or kava or sleepytime tea, some times helps a little.... ABB
i definitely get tht like sometimes the memories will pop up randomly and make me sick to my stomach , idrk how to cope honestly it makes me feel better talking to ppl tho especially ppl who understand