Guilt
I experienced multiple assaults within a span of 3 years... it got to the point that I felt like saying “no” and “stop” was useless, so I gave up. One night in college I was hanging out with friends and I was intoxicated and I fell asleep... I woke up to my friend on top of me... I didn’t say no or stop, but I was really intoxicated and dissociating and I felt betrayed that my friend would see that as an opportunity to make a move on me. We were in the same theater group and I felt triggered whenever I saw him... I asked my advisor for advice and they recommended getting a no contact order, so I did. 4 years later, the guy messaged me and was very angry, saying I falsely accused him and ruined his life and caused him trauma. I tried to explain my perspective and I told him I thought Student Intervention Services would explain everything to him... He said I am the sole source of all his trauma... I feel like a monster because as a survivor of rape my worst fear is to cause someone else pain and trauma... the conversation didn’t end well (I stopped it because he was so angry and it wasn’t going anywhere...) but now I’m worried he’ll pop back up into my life. I can’t seem to move forward because I feel like I handled the situation badly... part of me feels guilt for causing him pain, part of me is mad at myself for apologizing to him... I still think he took advantage of me and of the situation... I just don’t know what to do or where to go from here. Is anyone else dealing with this kind of guilt and shame? I don’t know what’s right anymore and I feel super anxious about the whole situation
@placidApricot2520
Hi !
I am sorry for all you went through.
You are right for feeling betrayed (and outraged) by a friend who would take advantage of you just when you were most vulnerable and in need of help by him. He behaved more like an enemy than a friend.
You did the right thing by asking your advisor and following their counsel.
You can't be guilty at all by preventing him from triggering you, preventing a possible further assault, and doing all of this following the formal procedures established in your institution.
You handled the situation very well, you must be proud of this.
He was the one that caused damage to himself, by betraying a friend (how would you feel if you had betrayed a friend?), by abusing you, and suffering the consequences of these severe transgressions.
He is the sole source of all his troubles.
If he tries to pop back up into your life, you are now a lot stronger, you can anticipate it, and be prepared.
You don't have to do anything in particular about this issue. You have already dealt with it in the best possible manner.
You did everything absolutely right.
You can move ahead without any guilt or remorse.
I wish you all the best,
Marcelo.
You have no idea how much I needed to hear all of that... thank you so, so much for your kindness and insight
@placidApricot2520
Thank you for your kind words !
What I told you is nothing but the truth, as any decent person would see it.
I wasn't but a mirror reflecting this.
I wish you all the best !
Marcelo