Having Issues

Hi there! Im kinda new here but the thought of sharing my experience is so scary that its been hard to do. But Ive been really struggling this week.

Short backstory; I was in a emotionally and physically abusive relationship for 2 years. Ive been out for many years and in fact am now married to the most wonderful guy I could have imagined. So Im most definitely safe.

i recognize the emotional and verbal abuse for what it is. There was physical stuff too but Im having issues with one more aspect. My ex pushed and pleaded and begged for sex for months before he finally wore me down. I caved and I still feel horrible about it. And once I caved it felt like if I said no then wed fight so much. It kind of became easier for me to just say yes then risk a fight. Especially after one point in a fight he grabbed at my throat (not sex related at all, we were fighting about god knows what anymore)

Like logically I know that coercion and having sex to appease someone is technically rape but Im having a really hard time accepting that it was. I have no issues referring to it as sexual assault but I always end up doubting if it was that bad and if I even have the right to call it rape.

i dont know if anyone else has experience with this, with coercive sex/rape but I would appreciate any and all input. I dont know what to think :(

thanks!