Him not leaving my head
I really trusted him. Its been like 4 months since it happened and i cant get it off my head. I was already in pain and when i was better he got into my life and gave me even more wounds. Regularly wounds heal and turn into scars but mine are still wounds. I can't get the memories of my head of me begging him crying and him not stopping till he was "done". Or the part where he was "done" and i was numb on the floor crying and him trying to put it in my mouth.I cant sleep without having nightmares of him. Or being terrified with people touching me cause i think its him. I cant even be in a place where my mind wont make me imagine him there
@kattxcv
Hello Kattđź’š
It breaks my heart to read what you have gone through, cannot imagine what it feels like to get our trust broken in such a cruel way.
It's a very common trauma response to feel terrified to touches and get nightmares so the way you are feeling, grieving is very valid. The reactions during the incident are also valid, I felt the sane way, Katt you are not alone.
It takes a brave heart to post your story, wishing you could heal at your own pace, consulting a therapist who is trauma informed can play a good role in this, have faith in yourself, Katt sending you healing beams❤
Thank you so much<333
I went through something similar back when I was 16 with my first real boyfriend, it's coming up for the 4 years of it happening and it still deeply affects me now. I've never spoken about the events of it until now because I've been too scared to and up until recently he's still been in my everyday life.
4 years ago I started the relationship with what I thought was a really good guy who genuinely liked me but a month into the relationship I realised he wasn't the person I thought he was. He had cut me off and isolated me from all of my friends to the point it was just us at lunch. He would act all happy and funny with my family and they loved him but when it was just us two he was constantly demanding sex, it got so bad we would do it at least once everytime we were alone. He would complain when it was my time of the month then as soon as it was over he would resume his habits of regular sex which really hurt the first few times.
Once I stood up to him and said no but he didn't care he kept asking to the point where I was naked and at home alone with him and felt like I couldn't say no anymore as he was getting really angry with me for refusing. That was the last time I had sex with him and it made me feel dirty and so used but I couldn't tell anyone because I was so ashamed and scared.
A month later I had a breakdown and ended things with him. He still haunts me to his day, I don't think I'll ever be able to be intimate with anyone ever again because of him
@kattxcv
sorry. cannot read it all cause of triggers. but, none of them ever leave us...many of them...many....will not go away
