How can I be certain?
For years I have had therapists ask if I have ever experienced sexual abuse because of certain thoughts, feelings and behaviors around sex. My answer has always been no, until recently. A couple of months ago I was in the psychiatric hospital and I saw something, sort of like a flash back of a young child being abused the image was blurry around the edges and I saw very few details but I knew it was me. I felt it. But I have no assessible memories of sexual abuse. I never questioned that before, but now I am curious because it would make other things make so much more sense. I've told a couple of therapists about it but they tell me not to think about that too much and that there is nothing we can do to process it since there are no details and we can't be positive that anything ever happened. But I want to know because even if there is no conscious memory off it, it could be effecting me on a subconscious level. If it is I want to deal with it so that maybe I can have a more normal experience of sex. It's hard to find someone who respects my lacj of drive, and it makes me feel like I am broken and I will always be alone because no one will love me unless I give them that. What do I do about this?
@beautifuldisasterx0
Although I'm not sure how accurate it is and if it could potentially "create" false memories from logical explanation you could always try a form of psychoanalysis with a trained professional to attempt to recover repressed memories from your unconscious.
However though, ignorance is bliss, and although I would love for any abuser to be caught and punished accordingly, recovering a repressed memory of abuse could do more harm then good especially if you cannot recover the memory of who abused you.
Best Wishes
@HakunaMatata2k
Thanks for the response. And not knowing details might be better than having the actual memory. I guess its just frustrated because it seems as if I have been effected by something like that subconsciously but have no real memories. And you make a good point about if I did have memories it could make things worse. I'm too emotionally unstable lately to deal with anything else right now so its probably best to leave it alone for now.
