How can you heal when you can’t even remember the whole night?
Saturday night I went to my first collage party with some friends. One of them being a guy I’ve know for 2 years. I only planned to have a few drinks but not anything more. He kept pushing me to get more messed up. Including putting a weed pipe to my mouth while having me cornered and not letting me go till I hit it. I have never smoked before and didn’t want to. Some how I guess he ended up winning. I’d tell him no more and he would come back again and again. So now I was pretty messed up and don’t remember much from that night.
I remember we went back to my other friends dorm (her roommate was out of town) and he was all like oh no I’m drunk I can’t drive home (he wasn’t) and I don’t remember how or if he even convinced my friend to let him stay with us. I know I didn’t sleep much as I remember random little times but for the most part the times between 2:30-6am are not there.
*next paragraph is description of what I do remember*
I don’t know everything that happened. My friend remembers waking up for a second and seeing him sitting between us jerking off. Then she passed back out. I have no memory of anything like this. I randomly remembered him touching my butt, telling me to break up with my boyfriend, and taking my phone for most of the night after 2. I remember him kissing my friend and talking about wanting a 3som. I remember him trying to convince me to have sex. I remember he would follow if one of us left for the bathroom at all. I don’t remember anything that could have happened in that time. Other than those small memories I have nothing. My friend remembers less than me. She does remember him throwing her down on the couch after coming back from the bathroom. One thing we know for certain tho is that there was cum on her blanket
I don’t know what happened or if nothing happened. I feel like something happened but I don’t know what. He isn’t going to tell me. And I blocked him on everything after he wouldn’t stop texting me
He texted “I had a really fun time last night. We should do it again soon” then when neither my friend nor I responded to him all day he started begging me to talk to him. So I told him that he knows what happened wasn’t ok and that he needed to not talk to my friend or me. He claimed to not know my friend wasn’t sober and was saying stuff like I didn’t mean to hurt you guys. We both blocked him
I felt panic going to class that Monday wondering if I’m going to run in to him. My friend has now decided she can only go to the gym in the evening because he is often there. It’s not fair that we are scared of running in to him around campus.
How can you heal when you don’t even remember what happened?
@Renee03 I think you better telling him that he mustn't doing this to you, seriously...
@Renee03 If you feel that unsafe walking around on campus I'd tell a public safety member or a counselor. It will help give you the start of healing and peace of mind knowing its starting to be processed and that he could be punished for his actions. as someone who has dealt with non consensual actions by another person, I'd definitely tell someone when you're ready and able. but if youre looking to tell law enforcement or someone professional its best to say it sooner cause the memories stick better.
as for the situation when you both woke up, id suggest a medical exam to be sure that no penetration was made. its private/confidential and the best way to make sure both of you are healthy and safe from pregnancy or infections/diseases. those are my best recommendations.
as a 19 year old I can understand how overwhelming and mind breaking this can be, know that you both are supported and people who care will listen and support you as well. take care sweethearts <3