How does God forgive abusers
God said we should forgive one another ! How? How can you forgive someone who abused you sexually ( my grandad ) and how do I forgive my mother for mentally, emotionally and physically abused me ? I hate her and have not seen her in 20 years .. I don't no if I believe in God anymore but what if I can't get to heaven without forgiving .. So confused
@Happyxxsmiles
God is all forgiving, everyone has a place in heaven. You could check out this guide about forgiveness - https://www.7cups.com/forgiveness/
You can forgive without accpeting their behaviour. You have to accept it happened and accept the pain and move forward, not holding a grudge as that costs more in energy and emotion than simply accepting it.
@Happyxxsmiles God loves you so much and is all forgiving. He never remembers your sins when he forgives you. Im sorry about what you have been through but we always need to forgive people whenever they hurt us. Forgiving people makes you feel so free
Believe in God. He wants you to be in heaven with him. So don't deprive yourself of that chance because of people who hurt you okay
@Happyxxsmiles Was that your mother's father who abused you? My mother was sexually abused by her step father when she was young - she doesn't know who her biological father is. As a mother to me and my two brothers, she wasn't much of one. She was emotionally, mentally, and physically abusive as you describe. History repeats itself often. I learned in my early 20's that, yes, I have a severely dysfunctional family, but I can either accept it and deal w/them or dwell on it and have a pitiful life. Bringing God into the picture .. I learned in grade school that this world is hell. God has put us all on Earth as a chance to deal w/Hell itself. After you pay your dues, you die and go to Heaven. So the longer you live, the more dues you have to pay. My mother is 62, alone, divorced twice, and sad in an assisted living complex. She is paying her dues now for all the bad she has done to her children, but I am not going to hold a grudge against her forever. I answer the phone and help her all the time. You should learn to do the same.
@TransAm85
hi
yes it was my mothers father that abused me, I was a very small girl and it went on regularly for years ..
My mother whom I haven't seen for prett much 20 years ( she abandoned all her kids )had severe bi polar and took it out on us all .
its hard to explain but the only way I can is to say I was raised in a cult like home being made brainwashed via the catholic religion , spending all the hours praying praying praying, always being told I would go to hell if I was bad.. How could she call herself a woman of God when she hurt me so bad .. I believe she even knew about my grandads actions and done nothing .. I lost my faith years ago but I feel god calling me back .. I don't think I'm strong enough yet
@Happyxxsmiles If you believe in God, you don't have to deny yourself the faith. I know religion is tossed around in different directions in this generation, but it is up to you what you want to believe. It is very hard to go through a childhood like that, but dwelling on it will make you miserable and trying to find reasons for the actions may never be found either. On my grandmother's deathbed, my mother tried asking her who her real father was, and my grandma said she really didn't know and that hurt my mother even more! I feel sorry for my mother, but at the same time I think she is a martyr - looking for sympathy all the time and attention and that is not a very strong willed person. You have to believe in yourself! I had to depend on myself all the time b/c my mother was so screwed up on pills b/c of her anxiety and depression - she wasn't in the right mind to give me sensible advice! My grandma was a very hard hearted person and never showed her feelings, but my mother always helped her and was there for her when she was dying b/c that is still her mother. So, I still have respect for my mother as well b/c she is the one who gave birth to me. It's aggravating and frustrating and you wish you had your mother to talk to, right? My mother is crazy as sin, but I still talk to her on the phone about my life. You have to push all the bad mistakes and harsh things of the past away and love your family. That's all you have. I am married, but I still love my blood family no matter how insanely dysfunctional they are. Nobody is perfect and God will bless you for letting go of the past. I truly understand your situation. I could go on and on but it's up to you what you choose to do.
I'm not going to get on your case about what's right for you to believe or feel, because it seems like you've had a lot of people your whole life telling you what's okay for you to feel already. And it doesn't seem like "should I believe in God and how do I go to heaven" isn't necessarily the conversation you are asking to have anyway? Though obviously correct me if I am wrong. This is your thread and your needs are what matter most.
What I can say is this: if your family has been telling you that you're going to go to hell if you feel some kind of way about being brutalized by them, consider the source. Consider who benefits from you never letting yourself hold it against them that they hurt you. Consider their vested interest in you not letting yourself call them the ones who are doing wrong because if you have a bad feeling in you about being hurt, the allseeing perfectly just creator of the universe will single you out personally to throw into the pits of hell for being so very bad.
I mean, that's a heck of a thing to lay on someone, but if what you want is for them to never ever stand up for themselves... it's a reliable strategy.
If you can't tell yourself that it's okay to deny them forgiveness, remember that there are a lot of ways to define forgiveness that don't require excusing the things they've done. Sometimes forgiveness just means ceasing to pick up what someone else has done and cause yourself extra harm with it. There are completely sound Christian theological supports for this definition if you need them, and if you'd like me to elaborate with citations, I was a religion minor in college and it is no problem at all for me to go find you what you need.
From me to you, though, I will also say that I will not condemn the natural feelings in a survivor's heart. What you are feeling is natural and normal. It's okay to be angry. It's okay to be bitter. It's okay to blame them for the callous and cruel choices they made, because they chose to be the people who hurt you and nobody made them do that. If what you need to heal right now is to blame them for being the ones who are to blame, I personally will not call you bad or evil or deserving of eternal damnation. And to be quite honest, I think that a truly benevolent deity could muster at least as much compassion for you as my mean and petty entirely mortal wounded self.
So you do you. Whatever habits of condemning your own natural feelings you may have... maybe they won't go away very soon. But I'm not going to add to them. You're allowed to feel what you feel, and heal how you heal. Forgive when and whom and to the extent that you sincerely can. But if you're looking for advice, please forgive yourself first and most of all. You're not wrong for having feelings about being hurt.
