I don
So I dont really know what to think about this.
i was hanging out at a guys house, and I had never really met him before, but he kept making sexual advances and comments toward me. I thought it was a joke at first, but apparently it wasnt. He said that he wanted to have sex and I didnt want to, but he started touching and kissing me, and I just froze up. He did as he pleased with me, and Im so mad because I was too scared to fight back. When he was done, I left, and Ive been trying to tell myself that Im okay but it keeps playing in my head like a broken record of a movie, and I cant even look at myself in the mirror anymore because I feel so disgusting. I have someone that Ive been talking to about it and theyve been so supportive but I just feel like its not getting any better- what am i supposed to do about it?
I'm so sorry this happened to you! It's totally normal to feel like you do. But please, remember that it's not your fault. Keep telling yourself this, even when it's hard to believe it. Feeling guilty is very common for those who experienced an assault, but it's not your fault and you did all you could! Sometimes people just react to assault by freezing. Body and mind shut down, and it's a response you had no control on, there's nothing to blame yourself for! You're not the one that should be disgusted when looking in the mirror. He is! He's the horrible person. What happened defines who he is, not who you are. You are feeling hurt and that's normal, but you're not broken. You are just you!
Fighting this feeling is the first step to start processing what happened. It's also important not to keep things inside. When we're overwhelmed by burdening feelings, letting them out is a good way to deal with them. You can look for any type of support you find helpful, and of course you can take your time and make small steps, but also remember that it's always important to let things out, and that support is something you deserve. Feeling better is something you deserve. Making peace with yourself is something you deserve. And even if it doesn't seem to have a big effect at first, keep trying. Sometimes, the things that are truly worth fighting for take time.
I send you all my love!