I’m confused
This happened 4-5 years ago when I was a freshman in high school. I was dating a sophomore at the time and we’ve only been dating for 3-4 months. He would occasionally sneak into my room and leave in the morning before everyone woke up for school. One night he wanted to have sex and I didn’t know what to do. I can’t really remember what happened but I know that I didn’t say yes because I was still a virgin. I was asking him things but idk what and he told me he forgot a condom, but he still did it anyways. Idk if this would be rape or if I actually consented to it. I remember laying there while he did his thing. Idek if he finished or not.
@qtln
Hey 
First off, it's so freaking brave for you to open up here. I understand how hard it must have been for you.. *offers hugs and strength*
Coming to the point of your confusion, lets view the definition of consent. Consent is when you say yes, willingly and fully conscious of what you're saying. You sound confused of whether you actually said yes, or what had happened. This IS considered rape.
From what you mentioned, it sounded like you may have passed out or disassociated. You were scared and fear can do things to us. He continued hurting you and you only seem to vaguely remember it. I'm so sorry to hear you've had to experience something like this.
Opening up and therapy helps a lot in clearing up such memories and making peace with them. Sometimes, after experiencing trauma, we may intend to isolate or avoid talking to people. Guilt is another common reaction. You may feel like you are the one to blame even if you were hurt by someone else.
If you want to talk more about your situation, feel free to PM a listener from the browse listeners page or put out a general request. Alternatively, participating in the forums might help you come in touch with others who have been through similar experiences.
Take care of yourself~Sierra
