I'm not ok tonight.
I can't stop thinking about stuff..I was too little. Too small. I can't possibly be whole when I wasn't allowed to be whole to begin with. I want him out of my head. It is his fault that I ended up in one dangerous situation after another. It feels unsettling that I said so much here already but it became impossible to stay silent any longer. The level of violation I still feel is consuming me.
@MissyAmerica, Hi, how's it going? You've been through a lot and because you survived you're strong and amazing. You don't need to be whole now, especially while things are happening, but just give yourself the hope that one day you'll be surrounded by those who love you, or doing what you love or just happy with the ups and downs of life. Then you'll be whole, until then just live and be free and remember ever smile and laugh gets you closer to being whole. I hope this helps, and if you like hugs then *hugs*.
@calmBalsam9969 thank you. I have people who care but they don't get it. I'm glad they don't. The one friend I tried to tell couldn't handle iy. She got so upset that I got hurt I couldn't bare to upset her. I don't feel like I can talk to people anymore unless they've been through this type of trauma. .
I've been through all types of abuse but nothing compares to the utter violation that I've felt since the first time he r'd me. I'm.so confused.
@MissyAmerica
Yes, I get it. The confusion, the pain. I know it's good to talk to someone about it, and you can do it with a listener (or me) but if you want you can have that person be there with you for the talking. They might not get it, but hugs usually help, especially meaningful ones packed with love. So it's okay to be confused, but you're doing the best you can, so be proud.
❤️
