I need someone to talk to

I can't tell people about it, and I can't write about it anywhere else, so I decided to write about it here.

My mother has a boyfriend. She has had a number of boyfriends in the past in a short period of time, and then they broke up.

When I was about eight years old, I remember hearing my mother having intercourse with her boyfriend, and it made me very anxious. From then on, I couldn't stop masturbating when I felt anxious. At the time, I didn't even know that it had a sexual meaning. I think I'm crazy.

My current girlfriend's boyfriend always comes to my house on weekends. My room and theirs are next to each other, so at night I hear their sexual voices and noises, and it kills me.

I am afraid of men. I don't know if it is this home environment that is causing this, but my therapist told me that what you received from your parents is also sexual abuse.

I blame myself when I imagine myself being sexual or when my sexual desire increases. I feel very uncomfortable.