Is it all my fault? *tw: sexual assault*

I just can’t stop thinking that everything that happened to me was all my fault. I know some of it was my fault, but I’ve blocked out the memories so much that I’m not sure what to trust in my memories. A couple of years ago, a new girl joined my school. We became close friends and eventually started flirting. At the time, I had a boyfriend but I told him all about it and he encouraged me to pursue her, as he wanted to open the relationship so he could have more sex (he often complained that I didn’t sleep with him enough). Eventually, we broke up, and with that I had lost all of my friends. All I had left was her. So I did everything I could to please her, always trying to be good enough for her. She was juggling tons of people and sleeping with them all, and told me that I had to be “good enough” to convince her to be with me and me alone. I started to let her touch me, even though I never liked it, because I felt it was my duty. Eventually, I found out that she had had a girlfriend the whole time, and everyone in our social circle assumed that I had been aware of it, and was a seductress trying to break up their relationship. No one stood by my side or believed me, even though they had all known me two years longer than her. I tried to off myself, but security was called on me before I could follow through. I can’t remember many of the details, and don’t know which memories I can trust. Even after all this time I still wake up with nightmares of her holding me down and touching me. But I had gone along with it-I hadn’t fought back because I wanted to prove that I was worthy of love. And because of that I don’t know if I deserve to feel bad