It keeps coming back
Hi, I am Aryan, and My username is anonymous because I don't feel comfortable saying this to anyone. Since, I'm in this thread of messages, you know why I'm here. So, my story starts when I was 3 years old, and I'm currently 16. I had continuous incidents of sexual abuse, why do I like to frame it like that is because it was basically child rape. My parents knew about one person who was very close to me, and helped me through it when it happened, but as soon as it ended, when I was 10, they completely stopped talking about it, was it because it was too awkward or did they think it didn't affect me, I'll never know. I'm 16 now, went through a very tough period in 2017 (I was 12 then), and all everyone seemed to think was that my grades dropped and how my behavior changed. Not a single conversation about if I was okay. I know this might seem weird to say, but as someone who identifies as male, I find it very difficult to talk to anyone. My own family members find it 'weird' if I'm emotional or close to crying, at such an extent that I often just let everything out with the room closed. There is nowhere I've seen awareness about male abuse. If I tell anyone about what happened, will they find me delusional, I don't even know anything anymore. I'm preparing for college, and am doing a lot of things simultaneously because Extracurriculars. I have random lapses of being very passionate about what I'm doing, to moments where I don't care about anything anymore. I'm not very good in social settings, not professional, and downright awkward in person. I hope I can feel something through whatever it is I'm trying to accomplish here on this platform
It's hard to know what to say. Your parents probably feel enormous guilt. But know that you are not alone, that people survive incomprehensible traumas to lead beautiful lives. Also, college is a fantastic time to start seeing a counselor regularly (shop around til you find one you like) and read books / watch films about difficult subjects. I hope you find healing.
Thank you for reaching out. It is just what I needed
But I still can't seem to stop triggers. It is very hard to do anything with all this going on
@AnonymityKeyForMe Hi. It's very hard to stop triggers from happening. Sometimes we don't even know what all our triggers are to be able to anticipate and prepare for them. Some could be so random or seemingly insignificant things. I think we just learn ways to deal with them, and over time they lessen or aren't as intense. What are some things that help you calm down when triggered? It might help to assemble an arsenal of tools to try. Some might work one day but not another. Some days you might need to try 4 methods before one works. Try to be patient with yourself. You did great talking about it.
I've tried listening to music, but it only furthers throws me in a spiral, but it is still soothing for some reason. I try to just indulgence myself in work and work, but even that doesn't work. The only time I feel like myself is when I'm with my little circle of 4 friends, but it is even tougher now that we will have to separate because of different career paths
Hi Aryan, I am so sorry to hear this. I have also been sexually abused, and even though it wasn‘t in my early childhood, I was going through really hard times too. To be honest I still am sometimes. What really helped me was going to therapy, finding soothing and „safe“ activities and talking to my friends and family about it. The last point was crucial, even though it was by far the hardest one for me. Maybe it could help you aswell to talk to your parents about it. Tell them that in fact this horrible events have left scars and that you need help to cure them. You are not alone! And you don‘t have to be. I strongly believe that you can get better. If you don‘t know where to start, call an organisation that specialises in sexual trauma, they will help you take the next steps. You have already made it so far, you are so so strong!!!
My parents' marriage is a mess, and I just don't think right now is the best time to burden them more, I know they love me a lot, but I just don't feel it's the right time. Also, if you could suggest organisations for the same, it would be such a great help! Thank you!
Where are you from? Then I can look some up
I'm from India, based around New Delhi, the problem is that I can't use money since anything financial will go back to my parents
@AnonymityKeyForMe. ...I'm so sorry for all that's happened to you. You should be so proud of yourself for reaching out here on 7 cups. I know how difficult it can be to tell. Scary too. You are embarking on this amazing and youthful time in your life. Your so lucky to be young and aware of your needs and knowing you need help to get thru this. I know alot of colleges and universities offer free counseling in case you need it. I think if you approach your parents they will respond well. They want you to be happy and healthy. If you were my child I would want to know about your struggles. Your a beautiful and amazing person and deserve all the best life has to offer. Caring ppl here for you. ABB💜
I would be great if you could send such resources! It would help in everything I'm trying to achieve
If you are a student all you need to do is go to student services department and tell them you would like to see a counselor. A professional therapist through health insurance is an option if you have health insurance.. if you have a regular Doctor for physicals they can recommend help for you. Also if your involved with a religious/ church organization they can help you too ...if you are scared ask a teacher/ professor to guide you. I hope this helps. 💜ABB