Ive never told anyone besides my boyfriend..
When i was younger.. in kindergarten up until i was about 12 my older brother molested me and had me perform sexual acts on him.. i didnt know it was wrong until i got older and its caused me to cheat and lie and be a mess of a person because i feel so useless i feel like everyone is out to get me im afraid that ill never be able to love someone wholey until i can tell a family member and get help.. he has a daughter and im scared for her.. i dont know how to feel or cope becuase when hes around i act like nothinf ever happened.. but he has to remember. I bet he doesn't even feel bad for making me feel like i cant trust anyone.. idk...
Thank you so much for reaching out and sharing this with us. It takes a lot of courage and strength to talk about such traumatic memories. It sounds like you feel a sense of distrust towards not only your older brother, but everyone. That's completely understandable given what happened, and having to be around him still to this day must really be adding to that stress and bringing up those traumatic memories over and over again. You mentioned not being able to love someone until you tell a family member and get help. Is that something you think you'd want to do in the near future? If you ever need support with this trauma or anything else feel free to reach out to a listener! Take care. 
Its not so much loving somome until i talk about it that came out wrong.. its being able to fully heal. I wish he would say something come out and admit is wrongs..
@AnonymousStoner710
That makes a lot of sense. I understand what you mean, not feeling like you'll be able to fully heal and get through this trauma until then. Wanting him to come forward and admit that he was wrong is completely valid. You are very strong to be able to get through this. None of this was your fault and reaching out to get that help you need is a step in the right direction that it seems like you're wanting to take.
I do want to get help But im afraid if i do tell someone on my family they will hate me or not believe me because.. ive been through sexual abuse by more then 1 person.. i have so much wrong going on in my life that i just ignore everything and only talk to a few family memebers..
