Kinda Guilty and Unsure (TW Warning)
I've never told anyone about my assault. It wasn't r*pe, so I don't even know if I could call it assault. When I was twelve, 3 older boys (all minors, probably about 15 or 16) chased, cornered, and touched me. I won't describe exactly how, as I don't want to trigger anyone. I was against a wall, and cornered, so I couldn't escape. I tried to run, but they were faster. They grabbed my backpack and spun me around. When they grabbed my arm, i dissociated. I just froze. I didn't fight back, or yell, or say no. I get flashbacks and panic attacks and can feel it all over again. I feel guilty and kind of like it's my fault because I didn't do anything. I don't know what to do. I don't even know if you could call it assault. Especially because we were both minors. Any reply would be appreciated. I'm just lost. No one knows in real life. It was about three years ago.
I am sorry you went through this and are struggling with these feelings now. It is not your fault. You don't have to call it assault if you don't want to, but it would be valid if you did. It is common for people to freeze and dissociate during assaults, this is known as the fawn response and you didn't do anything wrong, you were reacting to a traumatic situation. Even though they were minors, they were older teens and should have known better.
@mvpeng
I'm fairly comfortable with calling it assault if that was what it was, as it was really traumatizing, I just don't know if it was "bad enough." If that makes sense.
@Constellation275 That does make sense, and I think most survivors can feel this way, I know I have. But just because something wasn't as bad as what others have experienced doesn't mean it's not valid. What you described sounds like assault to me. It's also bothering you years later, so it had an impact on you.
@mvpeng
That makes sense. I guess it would be considered assault then. Thanks.
@Constellation275 I would encourage you to reach out to an adult-teen listener who specializes in assault, I would be happy to chat with you but I believe you are a minor and I am a listener for adults only.
