Lost memories
Don't know if what happened to me was sexual abuse because I don't remember how it started. The guy keeps telling me that I seduced him. The thing is, I was around 8 years old when he started asking me to do stuff for him claiming that I started it. What frustrates me is that I don't remember at all the first time it the second or whatever number of times I forgot. It's like that time didn't exist at all and I woke up one day and found myself being forced to perform sexual acts to a kid 3 years older than me. It went on for years and years until I finally cut every tie to this guy when I turned 13. But every time I told him I didn't want to do it he would threaten me saying he'll expose me to everyone. My dad is so strict and I was so scared he'll know, still am actually. I'm afraid he'll think of me badly and say I'm dirty or something. I can't commit to any relationship. The moment things get intimate and I cut The relationship short. I don't go on dates. Don't bare to be touched. But I still crave a connection. I have no idea what to do. I'm messed up and it's not fair to string someone along. I gave up on the idea of getting married and I don't wish to ever have kids. This is killing me. I just wish I could forget it all just like I forgot the start.
@tinybb Of course you didn't seduce him at the age of eight! He is lying to you, and you are a good person. If your dad finds out, then explain that he made you do it. I'm pretty sure you didn't ask for sex from someone 3 years older at the age of 8 years old. That I'm pretty sure of. I think you should talk to a therapist, or you can talk to me, if you don't got the money. Maybe opening up to someone will help you, bc of what I can read you think being intimate is a bad think and you don't like it, bc of the abuse.
@EvilRegalsReadToo
Thank you, I did have therapy but I couldn't talk about this, I'm glad you offered, I think I'll take you up on that
