My ex boyfriend.
When i was 17, i got forced by my ex boyfriend to do stuffs to him else he threatened to tell my orthodox parents about our relationship. I was scared of my parents so did as i was told but my fear really made him do whatever he wanted to do with me. He'd always say he doesn't likes my friends and made me stop trying to see them.
I really had enough and decided to break off with him no matter what when one day he came over when my parents where out of town and i was down with fever, and tried to rape me. I kept crying and screaming and asked him to have mercy cause i'm sick but he didn't listen.
After that incident i told him to stay away from me. I moved to another city, changed my numbers. Yet he kept asking for forgiveness and trying to see me over next few years. Everytime he'd get my number from any close friend I'd change it again.
I feel disgusted that i didn't do things sooner but i never really had the courage to go against him. I got into self harming and suicidal attempts after leaving him.
Its been 6 years but it just doesn't seems to get better. Sometimes it all starts replaying in my head like it has happened only yesterday. I haven't been with anyone else since and really struggle with trusting people and considering relationships.
Hi, @sensiblebird. Good for you for getting yourself away from him, staying distanced, etc. Whether or not you could have done it sooner, you did it. It may be difficult for a long time, but you made this decision to take care of yourself - hold onto that! 7Cups will be here through it all, and if you ever want to talk, I'm just a message away <3
-Zep
@sensiblebird
Hello bird!
I'm truly sorry for the horrifying experience you've been through. From being coerced into following your ex-boyfriend's wishes early on, to being stalked by him despite your attempts to move away-it sounds like a deeply distressing experience, and I feel bad that you went through it...
I understand, to a degree, why you may feel bad that you didn't cut off ties with him sooner-though you were taken advantage of, on numerous occasions, and assaulted. That at one point, you did muster the courage to leave the relationship-is something I'm thankful you did, especially because of how hard it must have been. If you are blaming yourself for what you experienced-I would like you to know that it was not your fault in the lest, that you were taken advantage of, and abused. You do not owe him forgiveness at the cost of your being
Processing what you felt, is by no means, easy-nor does it have a timeframe at which "everything turns okay". Reliving those memories could definitely be very uncomfortable, and I am sorry that time hasn't helped much
That the relationship violated multiple boundaries you had for your safety, trusting people again-on a level as intimate as a significant other, is certainly not easy. I hope you take your time in processing what you experienced, and I wonder if writing this down helped you<3
Do you have a support system that you trust/can turn to?