My life: A brief summary

I'm going to be 51 years old soon. I have two children, 9 &13. My wife is addicted to Second Life and ignores our children and me. I end up having to be a "single father" yet answering to some other wage earner that comes to our house. Of course the children thrive for her attention and (since she neither makes nor enforces any rules) she is currently 'the favorite'. That's ok. I know I'm doing the right thing.

I've suffered from anxiety & depression since I was a young boy. My first attempt to end my suffering was when I was 8 or 9. I leave out the details. I had no friends and my brothers were closer so I was left out. I escaped into books; I still do.

As soon as drugs were around, I self-medicated. Funny enough, I continued to be quite functional. The drugs changed, I was really into opiates and drinking as I got a bit older.

Somehow, I did very well in school and received an academic scholarship. I wouldn't have taken it except I might have been goofing around with computers way before there were laws about hacking. A stupid 17 year old wouldn't have known that a Utility company that was in multiple states would get the attention of the Federal Government.

My father didn't give a damn and it might have been suggested that I leave the country immediately and accept the scholarship. I was in the middle of 11th grade when all of a sudden I was on a flight to Heathrow. I might have been met by members of the American Consulate who took my Passport & Student Visa, which were provided to me rather quickly by gentlemen in black suits funny enough.

I earned my first degree in Philosophy & Ancient Languages and continued to study while now being a TA for English 101 & Writing 101 types of classes. It allowed me to continue my studies. I received a Masters in Ancient Languages - Tamil & Sanskrit and began teaching proper while working for my next degree. I went on to get my Ph.D. with honors. I did all this and had my first, and only date. I say all this because all while I was doing this, I was self medicating pretty seriously. I had to ask for my Passport back and returned to the States.

I taught at college here and took courses to become certified in teaching Elementary Education and Special Education. By this time, I only self medicated with alcohol. I taught first grade for 10 years.

All during the time I was teaching first grade, I supplemented my income by doing computer consulting. (Not desktops, but Sun Servers, Cisco Routers, Unix / Linux...) I ended up being offered the position of Chief Technology Officer at one of the top 5 privately held companies. I got to prepare for Y2k. (Do you remember that?) All the time, I was drinking enormous amounts. I'm not sure how I functioned.

September 11th happened and I fell apart. To make a long story short, I ended up pleading to stay as an 'outpatient'. I was treated at a University hospital. I saw psychiatrist for two 1-hour sessions / week and began meds. I gave up anything that might be addictive. (I will now have coffee or tea occasionally, but not regularly and I no longer abuse any drugs / alcohol.)

I also began to deeply study my religious / spiritual inklings. I began meditating regularly (two 45-60 minute sessions / day) and journaling every day.

I guess I felt I had suffered long enough and I would throw everything at it. (This is not a recommendation for anyone.)

After about 4 or 5 years, I was able to go back to work. I am still in therapy, but only one hour every other week. I'm still on meds. I am still free from any addictive substances.

I read a lot. I write a lot. I have no friends. My wife ignores me. I remain.

Triangle thank you for sharing your feelings in this unique way. It aches my heart to feel the deep sadness between ur lines.

Please stay strong <3

I was wondering why moderators never share much.