My life, and struggles

I have never done one of these and not really sure what to write, but I feel like I should... 

TW/// SA, Phycial Abuse, sucidal thoughts, depression, alcohol, vape, and drugs

I was phyicaly abused by my dad for 12+ years, I was Sexualy abused by my gaurdian for 3ish years. I finaly reported in June of this year, both cases. I went for a week of interviews, that was horrible. But I got through them, somehow. I stopped eating that week, and lost 13 lbs, and to begin with a small girl. 

My 4 younger siblings got pulled out of the house and were put into foster care. I was still in a different state, and eventuly headed back, and was put with them. I went through more interviews fallowing. Within a week, we were put with our aunt. I learned quickly that she was on my mom side, and that no one belived me 

As the months past, I started to slowly process everything, I went thorugh a lot of ups, and downs. I found cups, and it helped a ton, I was able to see what other people were going through, talk about my own things, and in general I found somewhere that people cared about me. 

Ever since I was little, I had no one to talk about things, so my way to proccess things was to write everything down. So, I have everything documented, I continued this through this hard time of depresion, and sucidal thoughts. I was put into public school for the first time, it was a culture shock, but it is good for my mental health, to stay busy. I got a job, and have stayed busy. It has been tough, at times, but I have found things that help me during hard times. And I have finaly published 3 of my memoirs, which is a big acopishment for me. I was very nervous of what people would think of my story, since I have messed up soo many time, but each time I learned from it, and grew. 

I did not want my story to be just another story, that get edits soo much, and only shows a bit of the hard things you go through. So I just took all my thoughs, of the day by day and published them. Every thought, mistake, good, or bad, that I went through is in it. I probably write too much. But it helps me, and it makes for a story that is soo true. I want others to see that everything isn't how people show it. 

I went through 3 years of sexual abuse, I was minipulated to think that it was fine. At times I thought it was not fine, but then I would go back to it. I never had parents that cared about me, they just hurt me, he even thoug he was 3 times my age, it felt like he cared about me, and I despertly need that in my life. Looking back now I see every red flag that I ignored. But we can't ponder what we could have done better what already happened. All we can do is work on ourselves, and try to not make the same mistake.

Every set back I have made in these past couple months have been hard. but trying to come up with a life I want, and even if it seems way out of reach, trying to get there will get you somewhere, even if you don't get all the way there. You wil get closer then if you didn't try.

I'm not sure what will happen in the coming months, whether I will be here at my aunts, back with my mom, or parents, or in West Virginia with my friend. At the moment I am still sleeping outside in my tent, but it is getting coldeer. So I can't stay much longer in it... 

Idk what is going to happen to my dad or my gaurdian. Maybe they will both end up in jail, maybe not. 

I am trying to work on a more healthy me, I am trying to eat at least 2 meals a day, I have a job, that is getting me money, which is nice. I have A's in all my classes except math, which is a C atm. I want to work on math, and get it up higher. I want to continue running. Idk what to do with friends, but I do not want to take any drugs, alcohol, or vape. 

I hope everyone who reads this is well! Please don't stop fighting, no matter how hard it is just don't stop. You are strong for what you are going through. Everyone is going through something different. 

*Hug!!!* If you would like one!!!