Numb

Trigger Warning: Mentions of University, police, courts, victim blaming, sadness and numbness

No graphics.

In my previous threads some months back, I had mentioned about my emotions regarding stalking and eventually rape by strangers right before the pandemic. I took a break from cups because I was too much involved into filing my case in Court and getting myself protected at my University for the rest of my studies' duration. Because now after the pandemic everything is reopening so, for my safety and physical and mental well being taking some action was really needed. I am yet fighting for this and I hear a lot of things about me some being that I am lying, I am insane, attention seeker or I have some ulterior motives...

I nearly ignored these baseless thoughts of people and went ahead with everything I could. But this month on 10th, somebody different sexually assaulted or maybe raped me. While this was happening I got a lot of flashbacks and struggled to free myself, said 'no' continuously, I was shivering and I was feeling suffocation. Because I wasn't able to save myself and had previous baseless statements in my subconscious, I recorded some part of assault. So now atleast nobody can say I am lying. But I am never going to do anything about this because I already have a similar case in which I am taking a legal recourse and this person is an acquaintance so I can in future stay away from him. I don't know I am not feeling much emotions about this particular assault. Am I used to getting hurt or is my body and mind still in shock I really don't know.

I haven't even cried about this and I am not feeling angry or sad...sometimes I feel disgusted but it fades away...