Sexually assaulted by my girlfriend
Me (24, female) and my girlfriend (24, female) had been dating a few months at this point, and have had sex several times. I usually sleep naked or with underwear on, that night I had underwear on but took it off before going to sleep. We both woke up around the same time, she went to the toilet then came back and put her hand on my body, affectionately. She noticed I didn't have my underwear on so said something like "oh, when did these come off, we should do something", I said that I was tired and wanted to sleep. She carried on touching me and I just laid there, silent while she penetrated me with her fingers for what felt like forever. Once she was finished she said "I bet you're glad you didn't go to sleep", I just rolled over and tried to sleep. That was the last time we did anything intimate.
I ended the relationship due to the sexual assault, being stressed all the time and other reasons. Decided to get back together a few days later but now I don't know if that was a mistake
She knew about my past, I dropped out of university because a guy raped me, I quit a job because I got sexually assaulted by a work colleague, and work did nothing about it, and all the countless times I've been sexually assaulted and harassed day to day (including my current job). She somewhat apologised for it, and didn't realise it was sexual assault, but she hasn't given me a proper apology or spoke about boundaries going forward/how I would like to feel safe and such
Has anyone else been in a similar situation? How should I go about bringing this up with her or should I just call it quits? It's currently making me very upset she hasn't spoken to me about it, so either I bring it up or I'm just going to be stressed again
One of the reasons I broke up with her is she really needs to speak to a therapist, and she is going to be doing that this Thursday, should I wait until after that to speak to her?
@ivoryBanana2889 hello dear. first of all, I´d like to mention that I am really incredibly sorry to hear about all you've been through, you did not deserve to experience that and I´m sending you my best wishes. Secondly, Im glad you came here and decided to reach out for support.
It saddens me to hear about your current relationship with your girlfriend and what you experienced with her. The non-consensual part must have been deeply hurtful to you and I am so sorry she did not respect your wish to go back to sleep.
Unfortunately, I can not tell you if it is a mistake to be in a relationship with her again or not, simply because I do not believe me or anyone else on this website is in the right position to answer that for you. We have only been introduced to this short aspect of your relationship, and even though we can try to put ourselves into your shoes, we will not be able to tell you what is best for you.
However, what I can say is that it is 100% valid that you feel hurt by her and not safe at the moment, as it must have deeply impacted you. And if you feel like this conflict is not over and you do not feel like you can move on (which would be totally understandable), it could help to confront her about it to give yourself some peace on this topic and answers.
Your sentence "so either I bring it up or I'm just going to be stressed again" kind of tells me that confronting her would help you cope with this incident and give you some answers you're looking for.
"One of the reasons I broke up with her is she really needs to speak to a therapist, and she is going to be doing that this Thursday, should I wait until after that to speak to her?" - It depends as I do not know the circumstances of her going to therapy. im glad to hear that she's seeking support from a therapist. However, you yourself have to decide if it is going to change something regarding this incident and in how far she is able to view it from your perspective.
Kind regards
Thank you for your reply!
It did hurt, when it happened and any time I think about it.
Yeah, that makes sense, I guess I was just hoping it would make it easier if someone else could decide.
I'm trying to think of how to bring it up now, as I don't want her making it about her feelings, when it was mine that were hurt in that scenario.
Yeah, I think you're right!
It's not my place to say why she's going, so I understand that you couldn't say. Yeah, that makes sense.
Thank you so much!!